Imagine the people around you are playing your favorite sports game. You believe you are fit enough to play, but no one is choosing you to be on the team. Or maybe someone did pick you for the team, but you haven’t been subbed in yet. It’s been long enough since the game started so you feel like maybe you should say something. Either way, you are stuck watching from the sideline. It’s getting a little frustrating not getting to play, is it not?
That’s how I felt when, year after year, none of the guys in my class asked me to be his girlfriend. I’d waited all my life since I was 5 years old, so by the ages of 13, 16 and 18 I had grown rather impatient. Mutual true love in a romantic relationship was the one thing I wanted with my whole being. Why couldn’t I have it yet? When would it finally be my turn?
God’s Heart Breaks Too
I didn’t know, but I was tired of waiting. Eventually I tried to rush or forcibly create relationships with the ones I loved. Needless to say, the result was not favorable, because I ended up breaking hearts, my own most of all. Come to think of it, probably, it broke God’s heart even more than my own. I had placed requited love above Him, not fully trusting in His sufficiency and omniscient plans.
Looking back now, I can see that Jesus was probably reaching His hand out to me to draw me closer. Unfortunately, I couldn’t bring myself to hold on to Him long enough to let go of my desperate hope for requited love. Repeatedly, I turned to my own attempts to start a romantic relationship. This choice neglected the far better relationship with Him and so inadvertently broke His heart.
No Christian wants to break the Lord’s heart, yet it is easy to do when we pursue something more than Him. May He grant you even greater strength to hold on to Him than I felt Him give me every day.
Believe Your Turn Will Come
In the Book of Ecclesiastes, King Solomon writes that there is a “time for everything under the sun.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1) For those in limerence who are weary of waiting for things to change, this offers critical hope. While the current season in life may be one characterized by a seemingly long waiting period, remember that seasons change. Assuming a godly romantic relationship comes your way, the next season will usher in a time of joy that is worth the wait. For “He has made all things beautiful in its time.” (Ecclesiastes 3:11)
Allow me a moment to emphasize the importance of the adjective preceding the words “romantic relationship” in the paragraph above. As Christians, we must seek godly relationships so we can work together with our significant others, not against each other. Pursuing God together leads to beautiful harmony in a romantic relationship. By contrast, choosing a partner who does not love God first leads to numerous differences which the world calls “irreconcilable.” Be sure you are “equally yoked” with the one you intend to marry. (2 Corinthians 6:14)
Pray for Your Future Spouse
Probably, most individuals reading this have a strong desire not to be single. If this is true of you, it is highly likely that one day your desire for a romantic relationship will be fulfilled. The Apostle Paul encouraged singleness as a way to pursue God’s calling more effectively, but it is not for everyone. “It is better to marry than to burn with passion,” he writes in 1 Corinthians 7:9.
Limerence certainly feels like a burning passion – for me it was like a spark that suddenly ignited into an inferno. But God is so merciful that despite our lack of self-control, He grants us good things we ask in His name. (John 16:23-24) So feel free to ask Him! Don’t demand it but pray humbly for your future spouse to be revealed for God’s greater glory in your life.
Also pray for your future spouse’s heart to be prepared for you by continuously maturing in his or her faith. As you pray, believe your turn for a godly relationship will come at precisely the right time. In the meantime, don’t just wait – take advantage of the time by heeding the following advice.
Make the Most of the Waiting Game
Waiting for the one you will marry can be exceedingly difficult while you are going through limerence. But don’t waste time merely watching from the sideline, wishing he or she would show up now. There are several ways you can make the most of the wait time, benefitting not just yourself but everyone in your sphere of influence.
Work to improve yourself.
In your occupation, work diligently to hone your skills, increase your knowledge and practice your craft. God has given you unique passions, talents and abilities – use them for His glory and the good of others. (Colossians 3:23-24, 1 Corinthians 10:31) Also, consider how such betterment prepares you for your future significant other.
Diligence in your employment improves your chances for financial stability to provide for him or her. Intentionally using your unique gifts for the glory of God beautifies your heart. It shows that you are one who loves the Lord and wants to serve Him faithfully. (1 Peter 3:3-4) This is, obviously, an extremely attractive quality for any genuine Christian who is looking for his or her spouse.
Occupy yourself with the King’s work.
God has instructed us to “walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which [we] have been called.” (Ephesians 4:1) Watching from the sideline idly and not getting involved in ministry is not walking worthy of our calling. I fully acknowledge that in limerence it is sometimes hard to take on anything additional to simply surviving. Still, participating in a ministry that aligns with causes that are close to your heart will undoubtedly help.
Rather than staying at home alone and wallowing in self-pity, you could hand out food at a homeless shelter. You could visit a senior living center or an orphanage to build relationships with the residents there. If a friend of yours is struggling too, you could reach out to ask how you can pray and ask for prayer yourself. All the while, keep the gospel in mind and let it mold your heart to be more like Christ. After all, life is not about any of us. It has always been about Jesus. (Matthew 25:37-40)
Run the Race with Endurance
God created us to do His work – let us never become weary of carrying it out! (Galatians 6:9) Limerence is exhausting, so we often need rest and a lot of it sometimes. Impatience also sets in as we wonder when we can finally have our greatest dreams and desires fulfilled. But merely watching from the sideline will not get us closer to living those dreams. Instead, we are instructed to press on, to run our race toward Jesus with endurance. Doing this will help us stay focused on the Lord and enjoy the blessings He has in store for us. (Hebrews 12:1-2)
God knows the past, present and future and His plans are for our good, so be resolved not to give up. Don’t be the one who sits chin-in-hands on the bench. Actively prepare yourself for your joyful and glorious future, which may be delayed but is surely coming soon. Until it does, “Grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. To him be the glory both now and forever. Amen.” (2 Peter 3:18)
