I know I am not alone in having felt like I made too many mistakes in limerence. Trying to be perfect makes such mistakes inevitable, because unfortunately, perfection is a standard none of us can meet. Despite best efforts to be calm and collected, at times our speech falters due to nervousness around him or her. Or maybe we misjudge what he or she would like, then vow to be more careful in the future. Whatever our faults may be from day to day, followers of Jesus have the blessing of redemption from shortfalls.
New Regret by the Day
My inner thought life in limerence was marked by much guilt and shame. In moments alone I often ruminated on the happenings of recent days, celebrating perceived successes and ruing mistakes. Frequently, I mentally kicked myself for things I could have said or done better.
Sometimes, it felt like I was adding to the list of regrets daily. I could have offered a more intelligent or witty response to something he said to me; I should have said this instead. Or maybe I should have held back, but I couldn’t stop myself. So, I said too much in another handwritten note he didn’t ask to receive.
Guilt and Shame in Limerence
The guilt I felt was valid, since guilt is established simply from having done something wrong. Placing my highest hopes in him instead of in the Lord made me guilty of idolatry. This is objectively true, because my actions indicated I desired love from him more than a closer relationship with God.
Shame, on the other hand, is subjective, and I was putting mounds of it on myself. The weight of that self-inflicted shame was too much for me to bear. It buried me in unceasing tears and profound misery.
God breaks through our shame and takes away our guilt. No matter how deep in it we are, He hears our cries for help and reaches through it to save us. If we confess our shortfalls, He forgives us for each one. We are precious to Him and He keeps no record of wrongs, so we have nothing to regret anymore. (1 Corinthians 13:5) At least, nothing except not realizing sooner how much more deserving He is of our affection than our UTHCs.
Forgiven for Life
Our love-crazy reputation has no bearing on whether or not our names are written in the Book of Life. Therefore, we try not to sin anymore; we try not to let ourselves get whisked away in limerence. But even if we do, it is forgiven through the blood of Jesus.
“From slavery and shame, I am redeemed.” This lyric from Starfield’s “The Saving One” comes to mind as I consider how God rescues us from slavery to ungodly ways. Christ’s love is too great to let us remain in our suffering of shame. It’s a terrible feeling and we do deserve it for not worshipping Him above all others. But He came to save us, from shame and everything else that plagues us in limerence.
Love Covers All Wrongs
Proverbs 10:12: “Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all wrongs.”
One of my favorite Bible verses is Proverbs 10:12. This verse highlights how a hateful person picks fights and shifts blame, but a loving person forgives quickly.
It occurs to me how true this can be in limerence. Some of us fall for significant others who tend to pick fights and place blame on others rather than taking responsibility for their own shortfalls. Yet in our blindness to their faults, the love in our hearts covers all their wrongs. Time after time when we are hurt by them, it seems we love them all the more.
This verse points to the amazing love of God more than anything else, though. Though we have fallen short of the glory of God, He sent His Son to reconcile us to Him. Our sins, including pursuing our desire for requited love above following Jesus, were placed on Him at the cross. Because of this, we have sweet redemption from shortfalls which otherwise would render us hopeless.
Romans 3:23-24 – “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by His grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus.”
Sometimes it is very hard to admit we have done wrong, because we feel too ashamed to even speak of it. We know we deserve the rejection, punishment, or wrath we fear. But in Jesus we find grace for every mistake, atonement for every sin. In Him, our shame is cast away and replaced by inexpressible peace and confidence. (1 John 4:18) For His love covers all our wrongs.
Now Therefore
Romans 8:1 – “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”
Satan wants us to wallow in shame over our sin. He tries to make us believe we are unredeemable, unsavable wretches who are not worthy of the love we crave. Outside of the salvation of Jesus Christ, he would be right about that. However, it matters not what the devil thinks, because he is a liar and the father of lies (John 8:44). What matters is what the Lord thinks of us, and He loves us with an unwavering love.
By believing in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, we are saved! (Acts 16:31) By His blood, we are justified. His love reaches to the ends of the earth, to the depths of our hearts and for all time. “Even while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)
No Condemnation, Full Confidence
Perhaps our UTHCs condemn us for being too needy or coming on too strong. Or maybe they find something else too unattractive about us to ever feel the same way. But Jesus did not reject us as unsavable for any offense we have committed or will commit against Him. Being saved once and for all, by His grace, none of our shortfalls will ever take away our salvation. He does not condemn us, because He is faithful and just to forgive us – our rock and our redeemer forever. (1 John 1:9, Psalm 19:14)
There is nothing we could ever do to make our Savior love us less. He is the same, yesterday, today and forever, so His steadfast love has been with us and for us from the beginning. (Hebrews 13:8) Therefore in spite of our proneness to forget how great He is and admire another instead, we have no condemnation and no shame. Instead, we have full confidence and peace in the grace and love of God. We can turn our hearts to Him again with assurance that He will welcome us back with joy every time.
Hebrews 4:16 – “Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”
Nothing Can Separate Us from God’s Love
Though we suffer deeply in limerence, partly from regret over our own repeat mistakes, God’s mercy touches our hearts with a cleansing hand. He replaces our shame with joy in His salvation, with redemption from shortfalls that would otherwise enshroud us in darkness. It’s amazing, wonderful and true – nothing we do can separate us from the love of God.
Romans 8:38-39 – “For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Jesus Christ our Lord.”
