One might say that with respect to patience, there are two kinds of people: patient people and impatient people. Probably, in reality we are patient with things that don’t matter very much to us. Conversely, we are extremely impatient when we lack something that ignites the passion in our hearts.
For those who have ever experienced limerence, not having requited romantic affection breeds great impatience. God gives us supernatural patience to persevere and trust Him, whether or not He grants us what we desire. In so doing, He enables us to watch quietly and expectantly for what good He will bring to fruition instead.
Patience Is the Fourth Virtue
Limerence tests the patience of many people every day. I think this is especially true for believers who know the love of the Lord is supposed to be enough. The constant battle of trying to place our full trust in the Lord, yet feeling distinctly incomplete, is discouraging. It makes us long for when the struggle will finally be over.
Psalm 13:1-3 – “How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me? Consider and answer me, O Lord my God. Light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death.”
Gentle Assurance from the Lord
I resonate with the psalmist when he cries out, “How long, O Lord?” My personal heart cry included questions like: How long must I remain single? How long must I watch others form and end romantic relationships like they are no big deal? Why can I not have a relationship of my own now? Why must the wait seem like forever?
Psalm 27:14 – “Wait for the Lord, be strong and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!”
“Patience, my child,” the Lord tells us with gentleness in His voice. That is all He needs to say to assure us of His love for us, love that withholds no good thing from us. (Psalm 84:11) He may not give us what we ask exactly how we expect or hope to receive it, but nonetheless He always wants to give us the best. Therefore, sometimes we really should stop complaining and simply wait for further direction from Him. In the meantime let us be encouraged by His presence, for He never leaves us. (Hebrews 13:5)
Patience Goes Both Ways
Isn’t it interesting that patience is the only fruit of the Spirit that has been specifically called out as a ‘virtue’ in a common saying? You don’t often hear, “Self-control is a virtue,” even though it is. The saying goes, “Patience is a virtue” (emphasis mine). Most often it is said today because we don’t want to be rushed through anything. We want others to wait quietly as we go about our work.
If we expect patience from others, we ought to be patient with others in return. Even more so we ought to be patient with God. He takes His time tending to His work, and He doesn’t only work in one life at a time. Every day, He interweaves the various aspects of our lives with others’ lives, having planned every detail from the beginning.
Maybe you have already waited 2 or 3 years to finally start dating. Or maybe it will be a few more years yet before He brings you “the one.” Those years of waiting are nothing in comparison to the wait from His eternal perspective. He has waited patiently for thousands of years for the time He could finally work through your life, my life and countless others’ lives.
Just imagine His excitement to fulfill important parts of His plan that require you to be alive. No one except you can fulfill His purpose for you. Absolutely, trouble will come, but it’s part of God’s overall good plan. Day by day, the Holy Spirit will cultivate patience in your heart to trust God as you wade through it.
Waiting with Open Heart Eyes
Ephesians 1:18 – “Having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which He has called you, what are the riches of His glorious inheritance in the saints.”
So we pray for God to open the eyes of our hearts. He has absolutely amazing plans for us and we are sometimes tempted to ruin them by taking matters into our own hands. We may not be able to see the future, but we can see how good He is in this moment. If we can’t, we pray all the more for open heart eyes, for our feelings are clouding our vision.
Better than Earthly Paradise
Psalm 84:10 – “For a day in your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere. I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of wickedness.”
There is nothing better than being in God’s presence. As we fight to break free from the madness of limerence, it may mean lingering in the refining fire, or walking through a deep, dark valley. Nevertheless, it is better to be with Him there in those difficult places than in an oceanic paradise where He is not.
Even better, He will lead us out of those places into happier circumstances. The storms in our lives will eventually come to an end. It is only a matter of time and trust, and having gone through them makes us more mature in Christ.
James 1:2-4 – “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness, and let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”
Holy Spirit Opens Our Eyes
With His love, joy and peace filling our hearts, patience comes more naturally. Through trials such as the impossibility of letting go when our affection is unchangeably unrequited, the Spirit opens our eyes. He reveals the amazing reality of what is possible by His power working in us.
On our own we tend toward a path to destruction. Despair of not having the love for which we so deeply long drains the life from us. When we abide in Christ instead and follow Him diligently, life is restored to our souls. Surrounding us with the love of God, the Spirit turns our sorrow to joy and fills our hearts with peace. Thus, we learn to trust Him with patience and a quiet, humble, hopeful spirit.
Romans 15:13 – “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.”
God Is on the Move
Whenever God allows suffering to enter our lives, we can assume He is about to do something big in us. In the hardest moments, consider Jesus’ anguish in the garden. His Father certainly was about to do something significant, by saving us from sin and death. Yet to accomplish this required great suffering, both physically and relationally. Knowing this, He prayed hoping there was another way to redeem us, but nevertheless He submitted to the Father’s will. (See Matthew 26:36-46.)
Likewise, in our own anguish, we must remember that God works in amazing ways. The situation may feel beyond what we can bear, but He has a purpose for our pain. He will fully restore us, and in fact will make us better than before, changing us into more Christlike Christians. Patience amidst our hardships takes us from hopelessness to living joyfully in His promises. It sustains us through sadness in our unrequited affection to completeness in His infinite love.
Romans 8:28-29 – “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose. For those whom He foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son.”
If you are finding it hard to embody patience in your life, know this. Our God is good, all the time, and He is on the move! He may not change the object of your affection’s mind to love you back, but the presence of the Lord is immeasurably better. (Psalm 16:11) If you know this but don’t feel it right now, taste more of His goodness and those feelings will change. (Psalm 34:8) Wait on the Lord, then watch Him do great things.
