It is only human to want to feel in control, like at least some small part of life is subject to one’s will. For many who have experienced limerence, the bigger things in life often have been out of their control. We were victims of abuse, children of parents who divorced, or otherwise unfulfilled in our most important relationships.
Stemming from this, we try to control the small things. It gives us a sense of some security when life is otherwise chaotic and at times even seemingly unbearable. I have several obsessive-compulsive preferences which, if not followed by others, cause unnecessary momentary annoyance, if not anger.
In short, we want to feel like we own something. Like there is something no one can take away from us because it is OURS. Happily, though it may not look like what we would plan for ourselves, there is.
My Heart Given in Its Entirety
As a condition of my limerence, I gave my heart to the object of my affection. Every fiber of my being was devoted to him. Loving him fueled my motivation to be my best and to persevere through my schoolwork and other routine activities.
Yet in giving him my heart, I lost my mind. He brought out the best of me in inspiring me to write numerous songs, but he also brought out the worst of me. I became obsessed, desperate, unable to subject my strong feelings to reason. My heart, which I vowed was fully his forevermore, always won in the battle between heart and mind.
Because I lived foremostly for him instead of for God, there was little room for God to take control. I was trying to take matters into my own hands and failing, but I remained ever persistent in my attempts. Only when my world crashed around me at the moment rejection hit did I begin to relinquish control. Probably, things would have been much easier if I had let go of my death grip earlier.
God’s Heart Is My Prize
The confused state of being that is limerence makes it hard to realize that we already have what we need. In fact, because God is so good and generous to us, we have much more than we need. We long simply to be loved in return, to have the heart of the one we love. It breaks our hearts to be denied this seemingly simple and not unreasonable request.
But God gave everything for us because He loved and still loves us with everything He is. His heart for us is “gentle and lowly” and “not willing that anyone should perish.” (Matthew 11:29, 2 Peter 3:9) When His plans conflict with ours, we are to submit ourselves to God, knowing He is not punishing us or playing with our emotions. Rather, He is purifying us so we can “present ourselves blameless” to the Father. (Colossians 1:21-23)
The hurts we endure are for a much greater good: His perfect will being worked out in our lives. (Romans 12:1-2) As we grow closer to Him, He lovingly helps us understand His heart for us. Though we may never have the requited love and affection for which we have longed, we have not totally lost. God’s heart is a far better prize than the most seemingly perfect human there is. (Philippians 3:13-14)
Our endurance is a testament to God’s grace and mercy in giving us strength each day. Declare this truth several times to yourself to let it sink in more deeply: God’s heart is my prize!
A Promise Made: All This Will Be Added
Day to day we limerence-prone people tend to worry about myriad things. On top of what to eat, what to wear and tasks or assignments we need to complete, we carry the constant fear of rejection. This fear is an instinctual response based on the lingering effects of other suffering and brokenness we have experienced. However, it makes life a losing battle at times. Thankfully, there is a better way to live.
Matthew 6:33 says, “Seek first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” This promise encourages us that we do not have to worry about having the things we need.
God will provide for us food, clothes, shelter, and most importantly assurance of His personal presence. All we have to do is turn to Him for help before anything or anyone else. He is the opposite of the last resort. Whatever resources may be required to follow Him, He will never fail to make a way for us as we seek Him first.
The Promise Kept: Future of Lacking Nothing
Allowing God to be first in my heart opens the door to the riches of grace He wants to lavish on me. (Ephesians 1:7-10) The Holy Spirit brings God’s Word of truth to my mind to keep my heart in step with His righteous path. He works in my life patiently, mercifully, gently to set me apart from the world.
Limerence is a terrible experience of not having the one thing you want most. Conversely, sanctification is a wonderful transformation of a hopeless soul into a man or woman of God who lacks nothing. (James 1:4-5) It takes a little or maybe a lot of heat from the refining fire, so to speak, but the end result is perfection. All thanks to our God who loves us unconditionally and pursues us persistently through His Holy Spirit.
One day Jesus will make everything right again. On that day whatever we lacked here will be overshadowed by the glory of our inheritance. We will feel unfulfilled never after.
My God Is In Control
While this life is not free of suffering, I can be free from worry because my God is in control. Micah 6:8 reminds us, “What does the Lord require of you but to live justly, to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God?” Like our desire for requited love was simple, God’s desire for us is also simple: to love and follow Him. In return He blesses us in amazing ways He can’t wait to reveal to us.
Our limited ability to control things in our lives could easily make us nervous wrecks. But because my God, who is good and gracious, is in control, there is no reason to fear. (Psalm 27:1) My life is in the Lord’s hands. “I am His and He is mine,” as the well-known hymn “In Christ Alone” declares. No one can ever change that.
