One of the challenges I encountered in limerence was being misunderstood by others who were not susceptible to limerence themselves. I also struggled with shame because I had told my friends I would try to move on (and I really did try). But within a couple of weeks, secretly I would be pursuing my love once again. As I started to make progress away from limerence, I sometimes wondered if I could ever be the same again.
The mishmash of questions above is covered in this post about misunderstanding, shame and recovery of one’s former self.
My family/friends don’t understand what I am experiencing. How can I help them understand?
Start by telling them how you are feeling, straight from your heart. If they know you well, they should be able to understand that you are sincerely struggling. In turn, they should desire to support you in any way they can.
If you find that they are simply not listening to your heart, pray for God to open their eyes and ears. (2 Kings 6:17) Their pride may be getting in the way because they have never struggled with limerence, so it doesn’t make sense to them. (Proverbs 11:2) But a little prayer goes a long way and you may find they are more willing to hear you with time.
In case you feel like you have no family or friends in which you can confide, pour out your heart to God. (Psalm 62:8) You should do this regularly anyway, but especially when you feel alone, going to Him in your time of need will help you know you are never alone.
You can also share with the private Lord Over Limerence Community Facebook group or another limerence support group/forum as you so choose. We understand firsthand what it is like to be rejected by someone we love with everything we have. And we know limerence can cause us to do some crazy things, so you will find grace with our community.
I feel ashamed because I’ve tried to move on many times but have fallen back into limerence every time. What is wrong with me?
Truthfully, what’s wrong with you is what’s wrong with me and with all of us. Due to the fall of humanity, we are sinners by nature. Our natural inclination is to do our “own thing,” which is frequently in conflict with God’s design for us. (Romans 7:19-20)
This applies to limerence, which at its heart is a form of idolatry. When we value something or someone above God, that thing or person becomes an idol to us. Having an idol makes us guilty of breaking His commandments to us, though these commandments were intended to help us live a peaceful and prosperous life. (Exodus 20:5, 12)
Without God’s Spirit revealing to us how wonderful He is, we go back over and over again to less wonderful things. (1 Corinthians 2:10) Limerence creates an illusion of fulfillment if we can only get our limerence objects to reciprocate our feelings toward them. Unfortunately, in pursuing something that cannot truly satisfy us, we are perpetually disappointed and usually increasingly desperate.
Once the Spirit breaks through to our hearts, we begin to see the way out. As 2 Corinthians 3:17 says, “Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” Turn your eyes from your limerence object to Jesus – from disappointment to overflowing joy. (Romans 15:13) Only God can break the cycle for good, and He will when you run to Him in faith. (Hebrews 12:1-3)
Will I ever be able to get my old self back?
The most significant experiences in life change us. In the case of limerence, it may very much seem like a change for the worse at first. But the Bible tells us, “We know God works all things together for good,” so God has a purpose for this. We may not be able to understand exactly what it is, but He has a purpose for it nonetheless. (Romans 8:28)
Moreover, we are to put off our old selves of being slaves to limerence. (Galatians 5:1) We are new creations in Christ Jesus and so any part of us that longs for the highs of limerence more than Him needs to be cast away. By doing this we cut ties to the things that take us away from closeness with our Heavenly Father. (2 Corinthians 5:17, James 4:8)
Regarding the character traits we may have lost (organized, happy, sane) it simply requires time to get back to normal. Unfortunately, as suddenly as limerence comes on, it takes a lot longer to recover. Similarly, finding joy again, even in things you used to love to do, is a gradual process. There is a time for everything, and right now it may be time just to wait for God to restore good to your life. (Ecclesiastes 3:1, Psalm 27:14)
Perhaps painfully slowly, but quite surely, God will give your life even greater meaning than you may have felt you had before. He will revive your soul and use this experience to change you for the better. (Psalm 23:3)
