Kindness has amazing power to heal and uplift a person’s heart. Because of its indisputable, universal benefits, we see it emphasized all around us in slogans, at churches, schools and even in corporate programs. A friendly hello or a genuine smile truly can turn someone’s day from terrible to fondly remembered.
In my limerence I experienced dramatic life change as a result of a certain individual’s kindness. Of course, no matter how kind some humans may be, there is no greater kindness than that of Jesus Christ. His selfless sacrifice made it possible for our own hurting hearts to be fully healed forever.
Wounds Left on the Heart
In many cases and perhaps in most, limerence leads to rejection that is like a knife to the heart. Realizing the boy I loved did not love me back dealt a crushing blow to my core. Physically, it became hard to breathe normally and my spirit was too broken for me to speak. I could only cry until there were no more tears, and those tears lasted a long time.
In a song I wrote about him, the “knife to the heart” referred to a hypothetical situation in which he loved me for a day. After that day ended, our time together as more than friends would also be over. I would cherish the memory of that day forever, but having to be apart from him thereafter would be as painful as a knife to the heart. Healing from such a wound would require divine intervention.
Suffering of All Kinds
James 1:2-4 – “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”
Like many who have experienced limerence, I have suffered greatly from other types of losses in life as well. Two traumatic experiences shaped my childhood. For one, at the age of 9 years, my parents divorced, so I lost the presence of my dad at home. At the time I was not visibly affected, but the effects ran deeper than I knew. Also, for as long as I could remember I regularly dealt with sibling abuse. As a result I lost a close relationship with my sister for many years until we finally reached a place of mutual forgiveness.
These losses contributed to my tendency toward limerence, which broke my heart the most. I thank God for all those who spoke kindly to me as I struggled through these things. They did not necessarily know what was in my heart, but they cared for me and made the effort to show it. That makes all the difference and models the love of Christ like nothing else. God bless them for their kindness and for using them to encourage me to do likewise.
Mercy in Disguise
Divorce, abuse and countless other forms of suffering are tragic consequences of sin in this world. They cause serious heart wounds that take a long time to heal and some damage cannot be undone. Other types of suffering, such as rejection in limerence, also inflict deep heart wounds but are really God’s mercy in disguise. By not allowing us to experience requited love from the one whom we desired, He tells us He has something better for us.
Pining after someone who will not give us his or her heart in return is a sad and fruitless endeavor. He calls us instead to run to the one who gave everything for us. It would be unkind of Him to allow us to indulge in passions that do not give proper glory to the Lord. Rather than this, He denies us what we feel we want, what we think we need. He helps us realize that our hearts will be hurt even more if we pursue such empty fantasies.
Jesus took on all the wounds we deserve for choosing to elevate anyone above Him, and so He made healing possible. Cling to Him for dear life, because He is your life! (Colossians 3:4) Not your UTHC or your work or hobbies or passions or other things you enjoy in life. Christ is your life, and in His kindness He makes you whole, perfect and complete.
Kindness Saves and Heals Us
Isaiah 53:5 – “By His wounds we are healed.”
Indeed, for good reason, Christians especially love the kindness of Christ, but even nonbelievers acknowledge that kindness is powerful. Sometimes it imprints an indelible impact that changes a person’s life forever for the better. Unsolicited, undeserved favor strikes the core of our hearts and usually, it motivates us to live in the same way.
Common Courtesy Changed My Life
An ordinary experience of common courtesy is how my most intense limerence started. Our lockers were very close together, so my UTHC told me politely, “I’ll be out of your way in a minute.” I’ve often thought of that moment in a cinematic vision of sorts. He would be portrayed with a light shining down on him from heaven immediately after saying those words.
Then, after finishing at his locker, he would walk away down the hall. The camera would zoom in on me staring after him, my jaw dropped slightly and my lips completely speechless. Clearly, the boy had just changed the course of my life without even trying. Thus began the best and worst of my teenage years. Following his simple act of kindness, he was the one I hoped could make me feel whole again.
Dying to Ourselves to Receive Christ’s Kindness
Romans 2:4 – “Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness, patience and forbearance, not knowing that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?”
If the kindness of mere humans has power to change lives, we know Jesus’ kindness has power all the more. Yes, His kindness can make a dark day bright or a sad spirit exceedingly glad. It can motivate a person to be kind to others in turn, even those that person does not like. More than this, it truly is able to heal our hearts and make us whole again – not just for a moment, but forever!
We can only experience the full healing He wants to bring us by repenting of our desire for anyone above Him. Matthew 6:24 says, “No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other.” In context this passage refers to the love of money. However, the love of love itself can be just as much of an idol to the human heart. Casting down our idols of romance, requited love, acceptance, wholeness, companionship, or whatever they may be, we surrender them to Christ who is far greater.
Luke 9:23 – “And He said to all, ‘If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.’”
By dying to ourselves just as He died for us, we receive the gift of His kindness. We are motivated to be kind to others by not getting in the way of their pursuit of godly romantic relationships, even at our own hearts’ expense. He mercifully fills the empty spaces in our lives with His glory and grace, and so through His kindness we are healed.
Our Shepherd’s Compassion On Us
I imagine that Jesus sees those struggling in limerence without His teachings to guide them as
“sheep without a shepherd.” (Mark 6:34) Out of compassion, out of the kindness of His heart, He stays and ministers to us until we understand the way out of limerence.
Jesus is the good Shepherd who has laid down His life for His sheep. So, we don’t have to lay our lives down for those who may not even much care for us. (John 10:14-16) He temporarily leaves His faithful followers to find the one who went astray. I imagine Him bringing that sheep back to the very front of the flock, to keep him or her close. In this nearness to Him, we begin to see how wonderful is the place where He is leading us.
Because of His kindness, we don’t have to live in pain, fear or despair anymore. We are healed, complete, whole, content and filled with compassion of our own to spread His peace and kindness wherever we go.
Colossians 3:12, 14 – “Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.”
