Today, if you are struggling in limerence, you may be experiencing mixed feelings about the holidays. The Christmas festivities are over and New Year’s Day is imminent. Though a new year often brings hope for change for the better, sometimes it comes with trepidation about the future. Grief from rejection by the person you love most may follow you into the new year and threaten to steal your joy and hope. In Jesus we can meet what He is doing in our lives with assurance that He is good even when our hearts are hurting. He replaces grief and mourning with hope and joy beyond our imagination.
Grieving with No Grave
For many, limerence not only inflicts sadness and loneliness but also induces truly profound grief. We grieve not the loss of life of another person, but the shattering of dreams long held in our hearts. There is no physical grave to visit or urn to place on the mantle. However, our hearts bear an amputation scar from losing a part of ourselves we never wanted removed. We are forced to surrender the ashes of the fantasies that burned to the ground after we faced the truth.
Strength to Trust in God’s Plan
Those who grieve over a fellow believer’s death know they will see their beloved family member or friend again. In limerence it is not as simple to be able to find similar solace. If rejection was one day to be followed by the bliss of romantic feelings being returned, we could handle it. We could wait for that day for years if we had to, with great eagerness and anticipation. But knowing there is nothing we can do to change his or her mind is crippling. Still, in Jesus we can find hope in the midst of any kind of grief. Calling upon His mighty name, we find strength to trust in His plan in spite of our deep devastation. (Philippians 4:13)
Walk through Loss to a Wonderful Future
Others may not understand why it is so difficult for us, but our Savior has compassion toward us. He knows the wonderful future He has in store for us, but to get there we have to walk through this loss now. Often He uses our hardest moments to shape us the most into the men and women of God He created us to be. His plan may differ greatly from our own wishes, but His way is always better. Of this we can be absolutely certain, for He has proven Himself worthy of our complete trust. (Psalm 145:13)
Jeremiah 29:11 – “For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Cornerstone Promise of Hope
Hebrews 6:19 – “We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.”
Hope is vital to remaining motivated to live another day. If we don’t have hope, despair runs rampant in our hearts, destroying the foundation on which our lives depend. I know this well from my own battle against limerence in the past. With reality crushing my heart daily and tears streaking my pillow at night, my motivation to live had to be rebuilt.
Hope Is Our Lives’ Foundation
We can think of hope as a cornerstone for a spiritually thriving heart. Without hope, we cannot find good reason to keep building upon our lives. Every piece we try to set in place seems to fall off into a chasm of darkness. It feels like maybe it would be better to abandon the construction project before it gets any more ugly or costly. With hope as the cornerstone of our lives’ foundation, we are secure. There is no misery-filled chasm to thwart progress, nor is there discouragement from the devil that can knock down a single piece.
Again, as we battle limerence, our hope is found in Jesus. The promises of hope in the Lord are never empty, for they are always fulfilled in time. (2 Timothy 2:13) In deep darkness He is our light to help us find the way out. When we are shaken and searching for anything to ground us, He is our peace. Longing for love, we remember He is the only one who will love us with a steadfast love forever.
Lamentations 3:21-23 – “But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope. The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”
Jesus Is Our Cornerstone
I’m reminded of these lyrics from the hymn “My Hope Is Built On Nothing Less (On Christ the Solid Rock).” “My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness. I dare not trust the sweetest frame but wholly lean on Jesus’ name.”
We are tempted to think of the ones we love most as the ‘sweetest frame.’ In them we are tempted to place all our trust, our dreams of the ideal existence. Doing this is to our own detriment, because it is an unsure foundation. How easily it crumbles when they fail to love us in return. Jesus is our cornerstone in whom we find hope even when everything else is hopeless. On Him alone we can build beautiful, God-honoring hearts and lives.
Matthew 7:24-25 – “Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house. But it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock.”
Mourning While Others Rejoice
Realizing our feelings will never be reciprocated is hard enough at any time of year. But mourning such a loss during the holiday season can be especially discouraging. It seems like everyone else is full of merriment and excitement, cherishing little holiday delights while we silently suffer to the core.
Honestly, it makes us want to skip the holidays altogether sometimes. Turn off the Christmas radio and hide in a quiet, undecorated room, thinking, ‘wake me up when it’s over.’ We don’t want to spoil anyone’s fun, but it’s too much to ask of our hearts. We can’t really handle being at a party when it turns the knife to see happy couples there.
Rejoice for Coming Restoration
How can we rejoice when our hearts are so broken? Where is peace when our world has just come crashing down around us? Only with Jesus, as the answer always is in such impossible situations.
We are commanded to rejoice always and be thankful in all circumstances. (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18) Brokenheartedness from rejection in limerence is no exception. So, we cling to our Savior for dear life. We trust Him to calm the storm in our hearts, heal our wounds and restore our joy. Because He cares so deeply for us, He will not leave us alone to be miserable forever. He will walk us faithfully through the pain to much happier days ahead.
Psalm 23:1-4, 6 – “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters; He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for His name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”
Joy to Fill Our Hearts
Psalm 51:12 – “Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.”
When our hearts are so broken, it is only natural to become desperate and feel empty. To counter this tendency, we need to remember that God does not withhold good things from us. (Psalm 84:11) He uses painful experiences to effect beautiful changes in our lives, teaching us to be more like Him. (Romans 8:28-29)
If we delight ourselves in Him, He gives us the desires of our hearts. (Psalm 37:4) Any emptiness in our souls is filled with rejoicing over His salvation. The heavy weight of grief is lifted by the presence of great hope. Mourning our loss is turned to dancing for joy because we have gained His love. (Isaiah 61:3)
While limerence is perhaps the most difficult season of our lives, hope in Jesus brings us peace. Being emptied of our own desires, the Spirit fills us with a desire for Jesus instead. And when we draw near to Him, He reveals more and more of how amazing He is. (John 3:30) As we abide in Him, we find strength to rebuild our lives with Him as our cornerstone. We receive joy to fill our hearts without end, because the more we have of Him, the more delighted we are.
Romans 15:13 – “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.”
