To embody a spirit of gentleness takes a concerted effort in limerence. Yet the Lord calls us to have a heart after His own heart, one that is gentle and lowly. As we put on gentleness and surrender our hearts to Him, He blesses us with wholehearted contentedness.
Limerence Against Gentleness
In my personal experience, gentleness and limerence do not coexist very readily. Limerence drives one to pursue reciprocated affection with great fervor, while gentleness flows softly from a heart that is content. Because people experiencing limerence are far from content when they have faced rejection, they often lack gentleness as well.
This is part of the battle limerence poses for believers. We want to trust in Jesus fully and be like Him in all aspects of the fruit of the Spirit, including gentleness. But the felt need leads our hearts to fight for our own fulfillment. Fighting to achieve our dreams when they do not align with God’s plans is an unnecessary battle we can never win!
Proverbs 16:9: “A person’s heart plans his way, but the Lord determines his steps.”
Thankfully, the steps God determines for our lives frequently turn us aside from our own way back to His way. Even when we repeatedly follow our own desires over God’s will, His gentle, forgiving, compassionate character invites us to return to Him. (Romans 2:4) So we must fight against them whenever we know they oppose His will for us.
Gentleness After Rejection
By the power of the Holy Spirit alone, we can build up our own and others’ hearts with gentleness. Many of us are painfully aware of how our obsession sometimes feels like harassment toward the objects of our affection. It makes them very uncomfortable, and they would probably say they tried to give subtle hints at first. However, now they feel forced to say clearly, directly and not very gently, that they want to be left alone.
I am grateful that my UTHC was always gentle with my heart. He didn’t understand why I thought he was so amazing, but he still made small talk with me and genuinely cared about me as a friend. For those who have personally lost close friendships or experienced awkward work relationships because of limerence, I am so sorry. Take heart, because you always have a friend in Jesus, who heals and restores and makes all things new.
2 Corinthians 5:17 – “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.”
Even if they were not so gracious to you, call upon the Spirit to help you treat their hearts with gentleness in return. Knowing that it is not God’s plan for you to be in a relationship with them, wish them well and pray for His blessing upon them.
Perfect Peace in His Care
Also, in the swirls of emotions that surround rejection – confusion, sadness, loneliness – be gentle with your own heart. God forgives sinners who repent of allowing someone else to become more important to us than He is. He does not bombard us with accusations of betrayal, nor does He inflict physical blows upon us out of anger, because Jesus already bore the punishment for all our sins.
Sometimes, although it is hard to bear, God uses a wakeup call like rejection to bring us back into the fold. He welcomes us back with loving arms and asks tenderly, “Where have you been?” Then once we have entered into His care again, we can fully enjoy His heart of gentleness toward us. The peace only He can provide washes over us until we are content in His presence.
Isaiah 26:3: “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.”
Psalm 23:6 – “Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life.”
Jesus: Gentle and Lowly in Heart
One passage in the Bible stands out in which Jesus Himself describes His heart. Many Christians know Him best as the Savior and Redeemer who loves unconditionally and forgives impartially. They know Him as the rightful King of our hearts and all of heaven and earth.
Personally, I am particularly moved knowing I have a place as part of the Church, the bride of Christ. He is all of those wonderful things and more, but He chooses the words “gentle and lowly” to convey the essence of who He is.
Matthew 11:28-30 – “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
Jesus is our Savior, but He is also our Shepherd. He is our Redeemer, but He is also our Friend. Though He is our King, His attitude toward us is gentle and selfless, like a servant. All the power it took to create the universe was at His disposal, but He willingly took the form of weak humanity to save us. Gentleness and lowliness, or humility, are at the core of who He is and how He interacts with us.
Put on Humility and Gentleness
Therefore, it behooves us to leave our pride at the cross. We wish we could just make the ones we love suddenly love us in return. However, only God has the power to change hearts so radically. When He doesn’t change them in accordance with our hopes, it is at the very least disheartening and disappointing. At turning points like this, we should stop and think where our hearts are taking us. They are probably not leading us to the throne of grace.
Continuing to feed our desire for romantic love at the expense of our relationship with the Lord will lead to hardened, prideful hearts that take offense when He does not grant our wishes. As the proverb goes, “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.” (Proverbs 16:18) Let us then put pride to death and embody a spirit of humility and gentleness instead, like our wonderful Savior.
Colossians 3:12 – “Therefore, as God’s chosen ones, holy and dearly loved, put on compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.”
Surrender with a Spirit of Gentleness
In the face of rejection from our UTHC, God is gentle with us, so we ought to respond to Him with gentleness in return. When we don’t get what we want and think we need, His grace is enough to satisfy us and give us strength. In this strength we would do well to eschew hardheartedness, choose to humble ourselves and surrender to God’s will.
We may strongly not prefer it in the moment, but this act of surrender and trust keeps us on the path of life. Growing the spiritual fruit of gentleness, even through the challenges of limerence, teaches us contentment in Christ. And when we are content in Him, nothing can steal our joy again.
1 Peter 5:6 – “Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, so that at the proper time He may exalt you.”John 16:22: “Therefore you now have sorrow, but I will see you again, and your heart will rejoice, and no one will take your joy away from you.”
