Suffering makes us especially susceptible to temptation to sin. In our hardest moments, we desire any form of relief or comfort. If we are desperate enough, we even seek it from nonvirtuous sources. Particularly in limerence, the strong desire we have for requited love and affection puts our hearts at great risk of deception by the devil. Through 1 Corinthians 15:57, however, we can declare our ability to overcome temptation in moments of temporary weakness. “But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.” In Christ we find freedom from temptation and, ultimately, freedom from the shackles of limerence.
Looking for an Escape
How wonderful it would be to just leave reality behind and ride on the wings of blissful fantasy forever! Not really, though limerence certainly makes it feel that way. A little hope, even false hope, makes it easier to cope with the devastation of rejection. However, as believers we know the truth is that for followers of Jesus, reality is far, far better.
What can we do, then, when we feel like we need to escape? Temptation creeps in and leads us to think giving in will give us a happier life, if only for a moment. Sometimes the weight of it all is crushing and the only way we know to lift it is to lose ourselves in a fantasy.
When we consciously fill our minds with fantasies to escape reality, we entrap ourselves further in limerence. It’s ironic – looking for an escape in a wrong place, we strengthen the locks on our own jail cells. Holding on to hope for love from someone who clearly will not feel the same way, we deepen our pain. In turn we intensify our felt need for escape and the cycle begins again.
The only way to escape the pain of limerence for good is for God to change your heart. As long as you cling to your fantasies harder than you cling to His goodness, freedom is far off. But once He becomes everything to you, freedom from temptation to fantasize, as an escape or for any other sinful reason, is yours.
Let these verses from Psalm 51 be your prayer as you dwell on God’s goodness, glory and steadfast love.
Psalm 51:10-12 – “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit.”
The Spirit Gives Freedom
2 Corinthians 3:17 – “Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.”
In the previous article, we considered many ways the Holy Spirit provides comfort in our lives. In addition to such all-encompassing comfort, the Spirit grants us freedom in Jesus. While we are not yet completely free from all temptation, the Spirit’s sanctifying work in us frees us more from it every day.
Pulling Back Wandering Thoughts
More than 18 years since the day I realized my UTHC would never return my love, I still have to be careful. The guy is my greatest weakness and I know it, even though I have not seen him in person for 11 years. If we were to meet in person by happenstance, I might be caught off guard and need to pray for strength.
It is all too easy to let my thoughts wander and I want my heart to remain firmly rooted in truth. As Jesus Himself tells His disciples, “The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” (Matthew 26:41) But the Holy Spirit’s power is at work to pull my thoughts back to Christ. This frees my heart from ever falling into slavery to limerence again.
Galatians 5:1 – “For freedom Christ has set us free. Stand firm, therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.”
The Way of Escape
So temptation is still possible because our flesh is weak, but our prayers call upon God’s strength. His strength enables us not to say yes to it no matter how enticing it may be in the moment. Further, in His mercy He provides an escape to remove ourselves from situations in which we are tempted.
If we find ourselves frantically drafting a text message or about to press the call button to our UTHCs, there is a delete or cancel button to press instead. When we feel like there is no way to let go, He reminds us He always makes a way. (Matthew 19:26) If we ever start to become tempted to resign ourselves to a life of settling for second best, He encourages us to believe in His plan to give us the absolute best: Himself. The temptations we face always come with an avenue to turn away from it. Again, this is God’s mercy at work.
1 Corinthians 10:13 – “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability. But with the temptation He will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”
Jesus Makes It Seem Small
Last year I unexpectedly received my UTHC’s current phone number from one of his friends. I did not feel ready to have it, because I had only recently healed more fully from the rejection I endured years earlier. However, I think perhaps God allowed me to have it as a marker for how far He had brought me. A milestone of recovery and restoration, if you will.
Perhaps I wasn’t ready earlier in the year, but I was now. Throughout the year, with His help I had taken my unresolved questions to Him and received truth from His Word in answer to them. Then when enough healing had taken place, He gave me his phone number.
Complete healing was only possible because Jesus walked with me through memories of the pain of the experience. He helped me fix my eyes upon Him instead of the things I loved about my UTHC, which I still find extremely attractive to this day. (Hebrews 12:2) The love and compassion Jesus has for me are undeniable. He gave His own life for me to be reconciled to God, submitting to His Father’s will. (Luke 22:42) Most likely that’s not something my UTHC ever would have done for me, even if he could have.
Regardless, in the light of God’s amazing grace and unfailing love, he simply does not have the same magnetic pull he once did. Compared to the consuming fire of my Savior and my God, his sparkling eyes are a mere tealight candle. The Spirit’s power to draw hearts like mine from him to Christ easily overcomes temptation to desire anyone else more.
Love the Lord Foremostly
Revealing how wonderful and merciful God is, He has changed my heart to love the Lord firstly and foremostly. I enjoy freedom from temptation because He makes sin’s temporary comfort very small and never worth jeopardizing closeness with Him. For no one captures a heart more worthily than Jesus.
Psalm 73:25: “Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth I desire besides you.”
