Limerence is fraught with longing for requited affection. The longing is so great that any path not seen as progressing toward that goal is quickly turned away. Rather, at the forefront of a limerent person’s life are actions thought to lead to a happy forever together. Until the affection is perceived to be returned, the longing continues to intensify.
Unfortunately, happiness in unrequited limerence is very short-lived. As Christians, we must redirect our longing toward truly eternal things. Then we will enjoy fulfillment because God gives us what we desire when we delight in Him. (Psalm 37:4)
Trading Mere Wishes for Hope
Heartbreakingly, my unrightful thought and heart captivator (UTHC) did not feel the same way about me. After failing to let him go, I resigned myself to a life of wishing he would eventually have a change of heart. It was a very sad way to live, knowing that probably I would never have the love of the one I desired most. Regardless, I held on to my false hope, at the same time believing I might remain alone forever.
Indeed, any time without whatever we desire most feels like an eternity. What we desire most shouldn’t be one of God’s creations, though. A closer relationship with the Creator Himself should always be our goal. No one can compare to Him, not even the seemingly perfect UTHCs who enthrall us so completely. (Psalm 113:4-6)
God reigns high above the earth, so His rightful place is as Lord and King of our hearts. (Psalm 97:9) Yet because He loves us so deeply, He longs for a relationship with us. By loving Him in return despite our UTHCs’ failure to do so toward us, we begin to learn how His grace is enough. We don’t feel like we will be alone forever anymore because we sense His nearness. (James 4:8)
When we long for God, our hope is not merely a wish like in unrequited limerence. It is a certainty that we will have that for which we long. In Hebrews 13:5, we are assured, “He has said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you.’” This gives us living hope that uplifts our souls and unburdens our hearts, because He is strong and mighty especially when we are not. (Isaiah 40:29) He leads us away from fruitless desires in limerence to peaceful security in His love, and our longing is fulfilled.
Dependence in the Right Direction
Our longing in limerence is for our dreams, wishes and fantasies of reciprocated affection to come true. I asked the one I loved in song, “You and I together, can we break out of the fantasy? These dreams, will they ever change into reality, where you are here with me?” The answer from God was no.
Devastating as that answer was to my dreams, it was necessary because my heart was not in the right place. In fact, it was merciful of God to say no. Otherwise I would have followed a path of dependence upon myself and my UTHC for ‘happiness ever after.’ God wanted me to depend on Him and His plans, which were so much better than I could have imagined.
I knew this truth from Bible teachings about His omniscience and goodness, but my decisions in limerence did not reflect this. Several times, efforts to love Him with all my heart lost to hope for love from one who could not grant my wish. Eventually, using the desperate, end-of-my-rope place I had reached, He gave me no choice but to move on. Then He began to work out His wonderful plans to bring me back on track following Jesus to restored joy.
Proverbs 3:5-6 – “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.”
Imagination Exceeded by Jesus
My ultimate life goal was to be married to the one I loved. One might wonder what my next goal might have been. I suppose I would have answered along the lines of, ‘Create music and pursue an ever deepening love together.’ I always wanted my future husband to sing duets with me because it would be like our two hearts soaring to the stars with unspeakable joy. But either way, I expected that we would always grow in love because life is an adventure to enjoy together.
Even simply writing about those hopes and dreams brings tears to my eyes as I imagine their beauty. But truly, amazingly, God’s majesty and glory are far greater than I can imagine. In Isaiah 6:1, the prophet writes, “I saw the Lord sitting upon a throne, high and lifted up, and the train of His robe filled the temple with glory.”
Clearly, His awesomeness outshines the sparkling blue eyes of my UTHC. His faithfulness uplifts my soul even more than the thought of singing with my husband. In His love, He has called me to surrender my dreams and my longing to Him, and He is worthy of that offering. For in their place, He reveals more and more of His beauty and worthiness of admiration and unwavering devotion.
Ephesians 3:20-21 – “Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.”
Longing for Heaven
There’s a popular book by Randy Alcorn that thoroughly covers the topic of Heaven. He likes to use a capital letter “H” when he writes the word, because it is a real place and therefore it deserves a proper noun. While I have only read a small part of the book, I know it offers a beautiful and biblically based portrayal of what our future home will be like. If you have questions such as ‘what will we do in Heaven?’ or ‘will our pets be there?’ Alcorn helps to answer such questions.
The bottom line of what I have learned about Heaven, though, is that it will have everything we love the most. If we love music, there is plenty of singing praise to the Lord. If we enjoy sports, we can play those too. If we find refreshment in nature walks, just imagine how awesome it will be, knowing it will be more breathtakingly beautiful than any national forest or ocean view. Best of all, we will see people we love again, who died with faith in Jesus.
Someday soon, Jesus is going to return and make a new heaven and new earth. On this new earth, there will be no more crying or pain, suffering or grief. Only joy, laughter, peace, prosperity, freedom to live our lives for the glory of our King will be ours forever. (Revelation 21:4)
How can our longing be for anything better than for this to be done as soon as possible? We long for His return because everything will be as it should be once again. Nothing will be lacking from our lives because He will make us perfect and complete in Him. (James 1:4, Colossians 2:10) Our longing for His kingdom will be fulfilled from that moment forward.
Embrace Your Glorious Reality
Longing for closer relationship with our UTHCs more than with Jesus is unfulfilling and unfruitful. It blinds the eyes of our hearts from seeing how wonderful He is and how completely He loves us. Let your longing be for Christ, who is your life! (Colossians 3:4) Embrace the glorious reality that He is coming again soon and all will be made right. Our eternity is amazingly bright.
