Hopefully, you were able to find joy celebrating the turn of the new year with family and/or friends. Personally, as each year begins, I can’t help feeling grateful for God’s grace in blessing us with a new year to live for him.
Of course, it wasn’t always so easy for me to feel that way. I know firsthand that in the throes of limerence, it takes a great deal of energy simply to go about the day’s routine activities without thinking of Him/Her. That’s why during the month of January, we will focus on themes of newness, forming resolutions that are in line with God’s will, facing uncertainty and moving forward with Jesus as our guide and ever-present help.
Meaning of New
Let’s take a moment to ponder the word “new”. What does it mean to you? Something you have never experienced or done? Something that has never come or happened before? Looking at the dictionary definitions, the first definition is “not existing before; made, introduced, or discovered recently or now for the first time.” The second definition is “already existing but seen, experienced, or acquired recently or now for the first time.”
Probably, you received a gift for Christmas that could be called “new”. To my mom I gave a pizza cutter and a 2023 waterfall calendar. Both pizza cutters and calendars fall under the second definition. They are items that existed previously and are being newly experienced in the specific items I gave her. By contrast, 2023, the year presented in the calendar, is a year that never existed before this past Sunday. Therefore, it falls under the first definition.
God’s Work Is Always New
I bring up these definitions because it helps us to better appreciate the work God is doing in our lives. His work is always closer to the first definition “not existing before; made for the first time.” In Genesis He spoke all plants and creatures into being. He brings new life into the world every day when babies are conceived. As we study His Word, He makes the words come alive as we “see and experience for the first time” whatever He has made known to us.
I’ll give an example. In the fall of 2022, I studied the book of Esther. Prior to this, I think I was in elementary school the last time I had read it. As such, I was not aware of some of the details of the story that are not appropriate for children. Beyond this, I did not realize how many reversals there are in the story. It was profound to consider the reversals God has worked in my life, not the least of which is freedom from limerence. In this way, although I was familiar with major aspects of the story of Esther, I learned many new things as I read it again.
If you are reeling from a recent breakup – or maybe it’s not so recent but you just can’t seem to break free – it may be tempting to find a new love to ease the pain. Or maybe like me, you were rejected by the one you loved, but he or she was never truly a romantic partner of yours. Whatever the case, instead of running to someone new who is likely to break your already tender heart, run to Jesus who will heal it to a better condition than before. Let Him teach you new things along the way, things which would not be possible to learn without experiencing your unique suffering.
Oaks of Righteousness
In Isaiah 43:19, the Lord tells us, “Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” This verse is packed with encouraging words, but my focus for this post will be on the first half.
When rejection hits in limerence, it hits like a Mack Truck colliding into a Mini Cooper, to borrow an analogy from a former coworker of mine. Like the Mini Cooper would be totaled, our hearts break into tiny pieces that take years to put back together. But there is another verse later in the book, Isaiah 61:3, that promises we will be given “beauty instead of ashes,” “joy instead of mourning” and “praise instead of a spirit of despair.”
The verse goes on to say we “will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.” In other words, those who grieve will be like new seedlings who are ultimately nourished into mighty oak trees for His glory. Yes, it hurts incredibly deeply to be cut down from the beautiful heights we might have enjoyed if our affection were requited. But it is not worthy to be compared with the beauty God creates when He transforms us – when He makes something new out of us through our suffering.
In my own life, I realize that some of my most heartfelt and beautiful songs exist only because of my experience with limerence. I needed to let out the intense emotions and could not do so simply by talking with friends or family. Music recorded my heart’s cries as accurately as anything on this earth could and I will be thankful for that forever. I would challenge you to think about where you can find beauty, joy and reason to praise because of your limerence.
You Are a New Creation
Of course, the best newness is the transformation that comes from salvation in Jesus. “If anyone is in Christ,” 2 Corinthians 5:17 says, “he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” When we are tempted to wallow in sorrow because we cannot have our limerence objects, we must remember that our desire for them is idolatry, which was put to death when we chose to follow Jesus. Our eyes have been opened, the path toward Him has been illuminated, and He calls us lovingly to leave behind the burden of trying to chase after anyone else at the same time.
One day after He has returned to earth, He will fulfill the scripture in Revelation 21:5, “Behold, I am making all things new.” There will be no more tears, no more unmet needs, no more unfulfilled desires. How greatly limerence sufferers need this promise to be fulfilled! Until that day, let us embrace the new things God is doing through our suffering, and grow into the “oaks of righteousness” He longs to create in us.
