In Ezekiel 36:26, the Bible records God’s promise to remove Israel’s disobedient heart of stone and give her a new heart of flesh. If Israel had been faithful to exercise self-control in everyday life, she would not have developed such a hard heart of stone.
Self-control helps prevent ungodly desires that are harbored today from building a heart of stone tomorrow. It makes the heart of flesh more readily accessible for God to reshape and renew as He pleases. And of course, when He’s done His work on our hearts, they are always much better than they were before.
What Lies Behind the Heart of Stone
Nothing causes a person to build up a fierce guard like having his or her heart broken multiple times. A protective emotional barrier started to form around my heart early in life, initially due to family relationships that left much to be desired.
On top of enduring sibling abuse almost daily, I had a weak relationship with my dad. This made me feel like I needed to seek attention primarily from my male peers. Then romantic rejection broke my heart completely, so for about a year I lived with severe emotional numbness.
Ezekiel 36:26 – “And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.”
Even after the numbness faded, I still had a “heart of stone” to some degree. For many years, the most painful parts of my past remained hidden behind an emotional fortress around my heart. This fortress finally started to be broken down as I began to more fully process my experience with limerence.
I became bolder to share my story with others, both in writing and in spoken words. Little by little the weakness I had felt about my struggles became strength as God healed me. He replaced the old, ironically weak heart of stone with a new, strong heart of flesh.
Hardships and Disobedience
As I see it, the “heart of stone” in my story and in many people’s stories resulted from both common hardships and willful disobedience. The hardships consisted primarily of grievous suffering in limerence. Willful disobedience entailed a conscious decision not to faithfully trust God to be the only one I need.
Today, I will focus on the latter because it is truer to the context of Ezekiel 36. It is willful disobedience that leads to the biblical “heart of stone.”
God Breaks the Heart of Stone
The cycle of choices I described earlier, made out of a lack of Spirit-powered self-control, qualify as willful disobedience. Though I wanted to trust God fully and follow His will, I could not let go of my hope that the one I loved would one day feel the same about me. More than my desire to trust the Lord, I chose to act on my desire to be forever united with the love of my life.
Indeed, the chains that bound my heart to that boy were strengthened by the moment. Keeping it secret from others who would have admonished me set it in stone even more. No one could stop me from loving him even though it was draining the life out of me. My heart of stone made it seem, in my own mind and in the eyes of others, like I had lost all self-control. I was so enamored of him that I was heading for darkness and despair faster every day.
Mercifully, God breaks the heart of stone. He allows us to go far enough away that we reach a breaking point. Then when we cry out to Him for help, He rescues us from our destructive tendencies. That’s what He did for me.
I could not live with such severe depression and hopelessness anymore. Rather than allowing me to even consider ending my own suffering, He reminded me of His promises. He helped me gaze upon and cling for dear life to His marvelous light once again. Then He restored joy to my soul, light to my eyes and hope to my future.
Self-Control Preserves the Heart of Flesh
Unlike the heart of stone, a heart of flesh is moldable. It is easily shaped, much like clay is guided into the form the pottery artist chooses to make. Of course, clay does not have a mind of its own to be able to tell the potter what shape it should take. Unlike clay, God created each of us with a mind of his or her own.
Unfortunately, we often have a different idea of what our lives should look like than what God has planned. We have the choice to be molded by our Creator God into the vessels He created us to be, either willingly or painfully. It takes self-control, sometimes a great deal of it, to accept that God has the final say in our lives.
God’s Plans Are Perfect
We have to remember His ways are perfect. (Psalm 18:30) Whenever we find it hard to control our thoughts, the knowledge that what He has planned exceeds our wildest dreams should give us pause. He loves us so much that He wants to bless us more than we could ever ask. (Ephesians 3:20) To enjoy this blessing, we must humble ourselves in self-control accordingly. (1 Peter 5:6)
Kill Ungodly Thoughts When They Start
2 Corinthians 10:5 – “We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take captive every thought to obey Christ.”
Self-control means nonnegotiably stopping dead in their tracks any thoughts that oppose God’s rightful place as King of our hearts. It means faithfully obeying the words of Jesus Christ instead, taking up our crosses of unfulfilled romantic relationship hopes. We die to self and live to righteousness, because of His strength working powerfully through our weakness. (Galatians 2:20, 1 Peter 2:24, 2 Corinthians 12:9)
Our Reward Is Closeness with God
In the moment, self-control can be incredibly difficult, but the reward is amazing beyond belief. It prevents us from developing hearts of stone when we are tempted to trust our own feelings. Even better, it welcomes the new heart of flesh Jesus creates in us. With this new heart, we are more readily transformed into souls who trust and rejoice in the Lord always. (Romans 12:2, Philippians 4:4)
Self-control turns our gaze upward to Heaven, where God reigns in all His glory. (Isaiah 6:1-3) There He is preparing a place for us who have placed their faith in Him. (John 14:3) Nothing and no one on earth can ever hope to compare to that.
So, let us endeavor to cultivate in our hearts self-control, this last quality of the fruit of the Spirit. Let us make way for Him to break away the stony parts and shape a new heart of flesh in whatever way He chooses. Our reward is a closer relationship with our beloved, perfect Savior, the one and only Prince of Peace.
Editor’s Note: This post is Part 2 of the Self-Control theme in the Rebuild Your Heart with the Fruit of the Spirit blog series. Part 1 focuses on how limerence can feel uncontrollable, though it is reinforced by daily decisions that gradually change the course of one’s life.
