Many of us know firsthand the deep anguish of rejection in limerence. It can be just as difficult to feel hope again following that rejection as it is after a close friend or relative dies. Grief takes a strong hold because part of oneself has had to die in surrender of a long-held fantasy. But there is much comfort to be found from the Holy Spirit, for God is merciful in our suffering.
Jesus Sends the Comforter
When Jesus was about to leave the earth, His closest disciples were sorrowful, not wishing for Him to go. In response He told them, “I tell you the truth, it is to your advantage that I go away. For if I do not go away, the Comforter will not come to you. But if I go, I will send him to you.” (John 16:7)
The Comforter to whom Jesus was referring is the Holy Spirit, who indwells and guides each believer today. Jesus needed to return to His place at the right hand of the Father’s throne, so He ascended to heaven. However, He was not leaving His disciples alone then, nor does He ever leave us alone now. Instead, He sent the Spirit, who gives comfort and assurance with every step of our walk with Christ.
Immense sadness comes with a limerence sufferer’s loss of hope for requited love. In the midst of such loss, He knows the great need we have for hope, encouragement, light in the darkness. By sending the Holy Spirit, Jesus provides comfort through His loving, peaceful presence. Even though we may feel isolated in our suffering, we are never alone. We are assured of our gracious Lord’s faithfulness when we need it most.
Holy Spirit’s Intercession
Romans 8:26 – “The Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.”
In addition to reminding us of Jesus’ ever-present love and encouraging promises, the Holy Spirit intercedes for us. Suffering produces emotions that are beyond what mere words can describe. Often we struggle to pray to the Lord or even articulate our needs to ourselves. In these moments the Spirit prays on our behalf, expressing our needs to the Father nonverbally.
What a comfort to know our needs are always presented to the Father, even when we cannot speak them ourselves! Also, we receive encouragement in return for our wordless requests. If our hearts are so broken we can hardly breathe, the Spirit reminds us that our Healer is near. (Psalm 34:18) If our faces are streaked with tears, He invites us to cry on our Savior’s shoulder. (1 Peter 5:7) When the pain feels neverending, He promises that it will end in His time, and along the way we will be made more like Christ. (Romans 8:29)
We may not understand why those we have loved so much have decided not to return our affection. Human wisdom tells us it hurts too much for it to possibly be for the best. Nevertheless, the Holy Spirit calls to mind that God always has a plan, and that His plan is always good. (Jeremiah 29:11) Until we begin to understand how God is working, we can cling to that truth with all our hearts. (John 13:7) And as long as we cannot find words to pray or breath to breathe, the Holy Spirit will communicate with the Father for us and relay the Father’s love right back to us.
God of All Comfort
2 Corinthians 1:3 – “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort.”
Knowing that the Holy Spirit is the Comforter who helps us, consider how the Spirit offers different types of comfort. In limerence the most immediate need for comfort is in assurance and encouragement as described in the sections above. However, comfort is also found in warmth, nourishment and solidarity.
Warmth
James 4:8 – “Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you.”
During one of the plenary sessions of ACBC’s 2024 conference, if I recall correctly it was Pastor Carl Hargrove who likened closeness to God to feeling warmth from a fire. He told a story of how he went skiing in the snow on some beautiful mountains. While skiing he had such a good time that he did not realize how cold he had become. When he returned to where he and his wife were staying, he thoroughly appreciated the warmth sitting by the fireplace.
God’s love, he said, is like the fire. The fire itself never gets hotter or colder, but our experience of it changes with how close to or far away from it we are. As we draw near to the fire after being in the cold for several hours, the warmth is comforting to our bodies. Similarly, as we draw near to God after straying from Him for a long time, our souls are comforted.
Frequently, we may be tempted to dream of the embrace of our unrightful thought and heart captivators. Fantasizing certainly was a way for me to cope and hold onto hope for better, happier days. But the warmth of God’s love is more comforting than anything in this world, especially fantasies that are untrue! Let us therefore never allow ourselves to be away from it for too long.
Nourishment
Food is another source of comfort for many. Truth be told, it took some serious thinking for me to understand the reasons when I first learned there was such a thing as “comfort food.” I had never thought of food as being comforting until then, perhaps because I am a picky eater. Growing up I was forced to eat things most people like, such as turkey, grilled cheese sandwiches and sausage. So the words “comfort food” definitely left a furrowed brow on my forehead.
But as it happened, I heard them in the context of foods I like, particularly fried chicken and ice cream. I agreed that eating such foods does bring some amount of comfort simply because they taste so good! In stressful times that little bit of delight from a tasty treat can make a hard night bearable.
Taste God’s Goodness
To emphasize our need for God’s goodness and righteousness, the Bible analogizes them to physical food. Just as we need food for our bodies, we need spiritual food that is found only in the Lord. David writes in Psalm 34 that we can “taste” God’s goodness, which is an amazing comfort in trouble.
Psalm 34:8 – “Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good. Blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!”
Jesus Himself teaches us that we will be completely satisfied when we crave righteousness. Tangible food fills us only for a few hours until we become hungry again. But eating of the Bread of Life fills our souls forever.
Matthew 5:6 – “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.”
John 6:35 – “Jesus said to them, ‘I am the Bread of Life. Whoever comes to me shall not hunger and whoever believes in me shall never thirst.’ “
In limerence we crave love, companionship and security in a relationship with the one who has captured our hearts. Rather than nourishing us, though, it consumes our energy with a false promise. We have each of those things to overflowing in Jesus, our Savior and rightful heart captivator.
The Holy Spirit comforts us with soul nourishment when we hunger for righteousness by fixing our eyes upon Jesus. He enables us to taste God’s goodness as we trust Him to provide what we need in each moment. In that trust we will never go hungry again.
Solidarity
Finally, the Holy Spirit comforts us through solidarity with others in sharing about the ways God has comforted us.
2 Corinthians 1:4 – “[God] comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”
Limerence is undeniably an affliction, but we are comforted by God’s goodness, grace and love. When we encounter others who have experienced similar struggles, the solidarity is comforting to us because we discover we do not struggle alone. Even more beautiful than that, each of us is in a different stage of the journey. Those of us who have walked farther down the road to recovery from limerence have learned much from God. How His love is the light of the hope we need and how His grace is sufficient to strengthen us. How there is no one more worthy of our devotion and how His goodness is trustworthy for all time.
These truths are inexpressibly comforting in the throes of the battle with limerence. The Holy Spirit could and does comfort us in isolation, but it is far better to share our comfort together. Each person learns different truths about God and how He is working in their lives as the Spirit reveals them. So, if we all comfort one another with those different truths, how much more encouraged we will be!
Final Words
Truly our God is merciful to send us the Holy Spirit to comfort us in the difficult times we face. Unrequited limerence may break our hearts so completely that we can barely speak, but the Spirit speaks in our stead. We hunger for romantic love and fear never having it, but God satisfies us with perfect love that casts out fear. He chooses to use us to comfort others the way He has comforted us. Let us therefore face our difficulty head on as He, in His goodness, reveals the way to restored joy.
James 1:2-4 – “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.”
