As we near the holiday season, the struggles in limerence may be more difficult to handle than in other times of the year. For the next several weeks, we will consider God’s mercy in our suffering. The first topic is focused on how each of us has unique strengths and weaknesses. One key verse I’d like to share before we dig into this topic is 1 Peter 5:10.
“After you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you into His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself restore, confirm, strengthen and establish you.” – 1 Peter 5:10
Every type of suffering, including limerence, lasts only a little while compared to the eternal life believers in Jesus Christ will enjoy. During the holiday season especially, we can take heart knowing that the suffering is temporary. Waves of grief will come, but they fade in intensity with time.
Not only that, but “the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases. His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness.” (Lamentations 3:22-23) God isn’t content to leave us alone in our suffering. He is with us all the way through it and strengthens us as He restores us to better than before. This is amazingly merciful.
Everyone Suffers Unique Struggles
God has purposefully given every person a unique array of gifts. He also intentionally has not given each person certain gifts, though He gives them to others. The combined effect is a specific set of strengths and weaknesses. Because of this, everyone experiences unique struggles, based on areas of weakness that are challenged in the course of life. On one hand, spiritual gifts are empowering to the gift bearer and edifying to people blessed by the use of those gifts. On the other, the lack of certain gifts sometimes renders a person susceptible to suffering in those areas.
My favorite of the gifts the Lord has given me is singing and songwriting. It is an amazing feeling to finish writing a song and then sing the whole thing from beginning to end. Using that gift is uplifting to my soul, even if I never sing my songs in the hearing of others. It makes me feel strong and free, almost like I could fly to the highest mountaintop.
Conversely, my greatest weakness is the ability to get caught up in a romantic fantasy. By God’s grace, I now have the strength to take my thoughts captive immediately. (See 2 Corinthians 10:5.) But in past years, I let my mind wander and my heart got carried away with it. That is when I suffered most deeply.
You may struggle with a similar weakness: an overwhelming desire to live your fantasy, to be loved in return. Not having the desire fulfilled in the way you hoped has caused great suffering in your life. Remember that you also have many gifts through which God works with infinite strength. Even while He strengthens you in your weakness in limerence, allow Him to use your natural gifts to bless others. (1 Peter 4:10-11)
God’s Mercy Limits Our Suffering
It strikes me that God’s mercy is shown through His limitation of our suffering. Because we live in a fallen world, suffering is common to everyone. It is only a matter of time before a person experiences it in some way. Many have suffered the death of a loved one, financial hardship, or a difficult medical diagnosis. For us who have experienced limerence, the suffering consists of a devastating loss of lifelong hopes and dreams.
But God has control over it all! In His mercy, He allows some types of suffering to befall us but not others. Limerence and the death of my second child are the most significant sources of suffering in my life. A relative of mine struggled with disordered eating and body image. That was never a problem for me, just as limerence was never a problem for her. Many people develop substance addictions to deal with emotional maladies. I thank God that was never a problem for me in addition to the other addictions I had to overcome.
Job’s Suffering
Even the suffering of Job, the poor righteous man who was afflicted by Satan, was limited by God. First God told Satan he could do whatever he wanted to Job except touch the man himself. So Satan killed his children and servants. Then when Job proved faithful, God allowed Satan to inflict sores all over his body. (See Job 1:6-2:10.)
It was truly a miserable time for Job, losing everything including physical health. Still, he did not sin, acknowledging God’s sovereignty. “The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord,” he said as he grieved the loss of his children. (1:21) Then despite his wife’s advice to “curse God and die” as he sat scraping his sores, he maintained his integrity. “Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?” (2:10) he responded to her bitterness. Obviously, he would have preferred not to have had anything taken away, but He accepted God’s decision to do so.
Unrequited limerence feels like losing everything we hold dear, but praise the Lord, it’s not! He is sovereign in His decision to allow us to suffer, but He is also merciful in limiting it to only limerence. Or only limerence and whatever other difficulties you may be facing. He is faithful to comfort us and encourage us, especially through the hardest parts of it.
Psalm 34:18 – “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”
[Author’s Note: By “poor” I mean it was very unfortunate for Job to be chosen for such great suffering. Prior to his affliction, Job was in fact very affluent.]
Even Weaknesses Enable Strength
In the world of business and career advancement, weaknesses are positively termed “development opportunities.” For believers, they are more accurately described as “opportunities for sanctification.” Our weaknesses offer great opportunity to watch the Holy Spirit transform and even work miracles in our lives. Where we find ourselves inadequate and fearful, the Spirit fills us with faith and empowers us to follow His calling.
Limerence made me feel both empowered and weak at the same time. I had never felt so motivated as I did while working toward requited love, and that drive strengthened my resolve. Yet the fear of never having his love in return was sometimes crippling. It was a strange combination of trying to stay strong to keep working toward that goal and hoping my fears would not be realized. After all, if the fears came true, my weakness would be fully revealed.
When rejection inevitably took place, it forced me to accept that the worst had happened and that actually it was for the best. I could not turn anywhere else but to Jesus. He helped me learn to embrace weakness as the Spirit’s avenue to work most powerfully in and through my life. “For when I am weak, then I am strong” in the Lord. (2 Corinthians 12:10)
Limerence and Other Weaknesses
In addition to limerence, public speaking or being the center of attention in general has been a major weakness of mine. Thankfully, helping believers to overcome fear and strengthen areas of weakness are specialties of the Holy Spirit. Consequently, these efforts were emphasized strongly in my Christian school education. Taking these teachings to heart, I began to face fear in the name of Jesus Christ.
In my annual employee development plan for 2018, I chose to include a requirement to give two presentations during that year. After I gave those presentations my supervisor at the time described me as sometimes nervous “but fearless in her approach.” It’s a flattering description, but I must emphasize that I do not mean to boast about accomplishing anything on my own. I share this as an example of God’s work to strengthen me in my weakness and how it positively impacts others. I simply agreed to the challenge, and truthfully, that agreement is further proof of the Spirit’s work.
People often encourage others, “If I can do it, anyone can.” Here I will say instead: I could not overcome limerence or develop my public speaking ability on my own. You probably couldn’t either – at least regarding limerence. But God has done it through me though I was desperate and miserable nearly to the point of death. Therefore, however hopeless you may feel, most assuredly He can do it through you too.
Be Strong, Courageous and Victorious
Today, I still get very nervous before giving a presentation and even singing a solo, the latter of which is one of my passions. But accepting the challenge to develop my weaknesses manifests strength and courage given to me by God alone. It enables the Spirit to transform me miraculously for His glory and for the good of others. (Romans 12:1-2)
In the case of public speaking, it took volunteering to present on a certain topic when it wasn’t mandatory. To overcome limerence, it takes imagining how God’s way is better than any fantasy our minds can create. It takes a willing, faithful surrender in spite of the crippling fear of letting go. For in that surrender, we are strong, courageous and victorious and all the better equipped to live out God’s calling.
Joshua 1:9 – “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
