Last time we looked at grace in connection with the Advent theme of love. For the second week of Advent, we explore the topic of opportunity and the Advent theme of hope.
Identifying Opportunity
Let’s take a moment to consider how we identify an opportunity. Sometimes it is not as straightforward as one would think. When an opportunity comes, it can be easily missed altogether, ignored or misunderstood.
Preoccupation Consumes Our Attention
For example, we may not notice an opportunity to help someone right in front of us. We aren’t paying attention to others around us because we have our own problems or tasks to address first.
Unrequited love and limerence certainly bring enough problems for more than any one of us to handle. It is very easy for us to miss something obvious, let alone subtle hints, when we are so preoccupied.
Ignorance and Misunderstanding of Benefits
Other times we may see an opportunity and choose not to take it because we misunderstand it. We don’t readily see that it might be worth taking or appreciate how it could lead to a good change. In other words, we would need to be convinced that it is the best path for us.
Unexpected Opportunity
Some opportunities will come unexpectedly, of course. This includes both opportunities that serve as pleasant surprises and those that fall on us like dreadful news. We’ll talk more about the latter in the section “Seeing Hardship as an Opportunity.” Since we can’t see the future, it is not possible to prepare ourselves for every such opportunity. However, it is important to recognize the ones we encounter from day to day.
Be Watchful for Opportunities
We need to watch actively for opportunities so we can recognize them and respond appropriately when they come. This comes somewhat naturally in limerence because we look for any chance to be near the objects of our affection. Sometimes we even create opportunities by planning events or manipulating situations to work out in our favor.
However, personal gain such as getting another chance to interact with him or her should not be our main purpose for accepting an opportunity. We often benefit personally from doing so, but others are supposed to benefit as well. This is because when we say yes to what God wants for us, He uses us through it to bless others. Potential blessing of others should be taken into consideration when we decide how to respond to an opportunity.
Open the Eyes of Your Hearts
A key verse that comes to mind is Ephesians 1:18. “Having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints.” God can open the eyes of our hearts to see things more like the way He sees them.
This gives us hope in the future and in every opportunity, whether initially seen as exciting or heartbreaking. For His hope is the anchor of our souls and we have great riches in Him no matter what happens.
Responding to Opportunity
There are multiple different responses we can give to someone who presents a new opportunity. Most fall into one of the following response categories.
Outright Dismissal
Sometimes an opportunity comes across as providing no benefit and not fitting at all with the goals we have set. Such an opportunity is likely to elicit the response, “Absolutely not. I don’t want this.”
In connection with limerence, this would certainly happen upon rejection by the ones with whom we long for a deeper relationship. It may also be our reaction when a person other than our limerence objects takes an interest in us. No one compares to the ones we love, right? So no one gets our “yes” except them.
Getting closer to living our dreams is not the only reason we should say yes or no to an opportunity. God is always doing something new and it is our privilege to do what He calls us to do. If it is understatedly hard (like letting go), He will assure us that it is right by paving the way. His blessing will be upon us and others through that new work of His accordingly. (Genesis 12:2)
Conditional Acceptance
Many opportunities that come to us make us think a little more. They seem on their faces to offer many benefits, but at the same time they require shifting priorities. We think something along the lines of, “Maybe, if I can have these things too.”
Here, it hits especially close to home for me. Years ago, I was being called by the Holy Spirit to surrender my life fully to Jesus. The “one thing” in my life I struggled to surrender was clearly my desire to be loved in return romantically. I tried to go on following Jesus, while continuing to pursue the goal of finally having requited love. In doing this, in reality I wasn’t fully surrendering my life to Jesus. Ultimately, through my actions I was saying no to the life Jesus was calling me to live.
If you are struggling similarly with living a fully surrendered life, pray for help to say yes. Pray for encouragement to embrace the opportunity to let God change your heart. He will grant your request to help you learn to love Him more than anyone else. Repeating Philippians 3:13-14 inside your heart will also remind you of your heavenly reward. “One thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead. I press on toward the goal for the upward prize in Christ Jesus.”
Immediate Acceptance
Every once in a while an opportunity falls in our laps like a gift straight from God. (James 1:17) At this we are usually so surprised we can find few words to express our delight. “Of course, I’ve wanted an opportunity like this for a long time!” we eventually manage to say. Or, perhaps it’s more like, “Yes, I thought you’d never ask!”
I often dreamed that my sweet beloved would come up to me one day and confess his love for me. He would greet me with warm hug, a tender whisper in my ear and the promise of happily ever after. In those dreams my heart leapt with joy probably to the point that my body actually moved, waking me. How amazing it would have been to have one of those dreams play out in real life. I’m sure many of you can feel this with me. This kind of opportunity gets our immediate yes.
If only we could find it in our hearts to respond so positively to what God asks us to do! While He may call us to do something that goes against our desires, He does not ask much of us. Micah 6:8: “He has told you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you, but to do justice and to love kindness and to walk humbly with your God?”
Let us strive to walk humbly with Him no matter what He would have us do. For His banner over us is love and His burden is light (Song of Solomon 2:4, Matthew 11:30).
Questions We Ask to Make the Determination
Before we respond to an opportunity, we ask ourselves questions to help us determine which response to give. As seen above, sometimes it is easy to give a quick answer, while other times it takes more thoughtful consideration.
Is this for me?
Most of the time the first question we ask ourselves is, “Is this for me?” Does it align well with the goals and aspirations I have set for myself? Does it require me to go too far outside of my comfort zone or give up something I enjoy?
If it aligns well but requires significant risk or sacrifice, it will be a difficult decision to make. If it doesn’t appear to align with our personal goals, we are much less likely to consider it further. But we should be aware that God may call us to do something that seems completely farfetched or stretches us. Even so, He will never lead us into something that is not for the good of ourselves and others. He leads us in the way everlasting (Psalm 139:24) and therefore is always trustworthy.
Why me? (Why not someone else?)
Once it is clear God is moving us to take a new opportunity, other questions may enter our minds. “Why me, of all people?” “Isn’t there someone else who is better qualified, and/or who would actually want to do this?”
God doesn’t choose people for His tasks and purposes on accident. Certainly, He works in mysterious ways sometimes, but it is best to trust Him, even when others doubt it too. (This reminds me of the disciple Thomas doubting the resurrection until He saw Jesus in John 20.) He will use you in each new opportunity He gives you for His glory and the good of all.
What We Should Ask: Does God want this for me?
The questions we should ask require a humble heart, considering what God’s will for us might be. “Does God want this for me?” “Did He specifically choose me to do this?” “Is God asking me to make changes in my life?”
Regardless of how we would otherwise respond to an opportunity, God’s will takes precedence. If He has made it clear that He wants you to accept the opportunity He has given you, jump to it! He will lift you up and He will not fail you, for His Word does not return empty. (Isaiah 55:11)
Reasons We Initially Reject an Opportunity
There are many reasons we may not immediately accept an opportunity. Most probably they fall under one of the following main ideas.
Feel Unqualified
When we consider a new opportunity, oftentimes we see the description and begin to feel ill equipped for the job. Or perhaps, beyond lacking skill and experience, we feel like we aren’t made to do it. It simply seems like it is not something we as individuals were meant to do.
In many cases, we are correct and there really is someone else who is better for the opportunity. However, when God has called us to it, it is good to remind ourselves of the many biblical heroes who were unqualified. Among them are the shepherd boy who became the great King David. Also, Moses who was self-conscious about public speaking helped lead the Israelites out of slavery in Egypt.
God uses unqualified people to do great things. This is no less true for us because He has given each one of us unique talents and abilities. Probably we will never be famous heroes, but He magnifies the gifts He has given us to bless others in amazing ways.
Requires Sacrifice
Taking a new opportunity often requires giving up something we enjoy. It could be a job or a hobby, or simply the luxury of convenience. Worse for us who have experienced limerence, it could mean giving up our limerence objects.
We could imagine no greater sacrifice for ourselves than that, yet God has asked many of us to do it. He offers an opportunity to us that far outweighs the sacrifice. Eternal life with Him is ours by faith and peace all day every day can be ours through ongoing trust. He will amaze us beyond belief with what He will do in and through us. We only need to say yes to this opportunity of a lifetime to claim the blessings that await.
Resistant to Change
The last of the reasons I’ll cover for rejecting an opportunity is being resistant to change. Either we are too comfortable where we are, or we are stubborn and/or set in our ways. I’ll admit I am guilty of both points, particularly as it relates to limerence.
In limerence I was very resistant to change. Pursuit of true, requited love was part of who I was from the age of 6 years old. The thought of having to give that up was scary because without it I was missing something huge. I didn’t really know who I was outside of my love life.
At the same time, I have always had a very strong will, being an independent thinker who tries to make improvements continuously. So when Jesus asked me repeatedly to follow Him and let go of my limerence, well… I tried. But old habits die hard, as it is said, and I had to learn new habits to equip myself for life free from it.
Eventually, by God’s strength working in me, I finally said yes to a life of surrender to Him. I had seen how He was everything to others in my church and knew it could be that way for me too. The only thing that was left was for me to ask Him to be my motivation in life.
He continues to reveal His awesomeness and worthiness to me every day. This is just one example of how when Jesus asks us to change, it is always for our good. It is always change for the better.
Seeing Hardship as an Opportunity
While it is not very intuitive to think of it this way, hardship is an opportunity also. Trouble and difficulty give us an opportunity to draw closer to God, knowing He is faithful to lead us through to happier times.
To lean into God’s comfort and learn from others
There is no time we need God’s comfort more than in the hardest times we face. In limerence, we need comfort that we are not alone, that we will find wholeness and peace. We find in 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 that Jesus is the “God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles. So that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”
We are never alone in our suffering because God is with us. In addition, we are each at different stages of our journeys through limerence and can learn from others. He has comforted others in different ways than He has comforted us. We can then further comfort each other by sharing how He has helped us with specific challenges and struggles.
To trust God more and grow in faith
Hebrews 12:1-2 calls us to “run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of our faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”
Jesus is the originator of our faith and the one who strengthens it through our life experiences. We are not called to sprint through life but to “run with perseverance,” or “endurance” in other translations. When we go through hard times it is okay (and understandable) to progress more slowly. All we need to do is keep moving forward, inch by inch, and Jesus grows our faith as we go. He cheers us on and carries our weight with us so we can build momentum again after overcoming the hurdles.
So hardship is a great opportunity to deepen our faith in Him, building trust on our ever faithful God. Then upon making it through the hard times, we find joy again! Jesus Himself went through suffering for the joy that awaited Him because He would get to be with us forever. In return He helps us through our suffering and gives us the joy of His presence now and eternally.
To change for the better
Troubled times are an opportunity to allow God to change us for the better. Clinging to God’s promises of sure hope and perfect peace, we know His heart for us. (Hebrews 6:19, Isaiah 26:3) He will not allow something bad to happen to us without a plan to make everything right again. Don’t forget the battle is already won, because He has overcome the world (John 16:33).
It is never easy to smile and say about a life struggle, “This is for my good.” Still, it is nonetheless true for those who love God (Romans 8:28). Through lifechanging experiences like limerence, God changes us for the better, when we accept the opportunity by surrendering to Him.
Blessings from Taking an Opportunity
To summarize some of the points above, these are some of the blessings we receive from taking an opportunity.
Know you are not missing out on something you are supposed to do
More opportunities come to us than we can possibly accept, but God makes it clear when we are supposed to pursue one. There is genuine excitement and deep satisfaction when you know you are doing something you are supposed to be doing. We must not let others sway us when they doubt what we know to be His will. Likewise, we must listen and respond contritely when others reach out to bring us closer to Him again.
Once we are on the right path, our lives should reflect Proverbs 4:25-26 as we follow Him. “Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze look straight before you. Ponder the path of your feet; then all your ways will be sure.”
Peace knowing you are following God’s calling
When we accept an opportunity given to us by God, we enjoy a unique sense of peace. If we don’t say yes right away, God will keep reminding us, “I told you to do this.” We will become increasingly dissatisfied in the status quo because we will feel like it’s time to move on.
Of course, moving on from limerence isn’t as simple as changing jobs for a new career opportunity. However, we know great discontentment because things just aren’t as they are supposed to be. It’s only when we finally start to move on that we can reach a place of peace. Thankfully, our God is willing to “leave the 99” to come after us persistently until we find rest in Him. (Matthew 18:12)
Hope in trying something new and knowing the best is yet to come
Opportunity brings hope and excitement! Trying something new can be exhilarating sometimes. In limerence we will more likely find ourselves approaching the opportunity with greater caution and hesitation. But taking the leap of faith and doing what God is telling us will reap great rewards.
Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Yes, this future may well be without the man or woman of your dreams (at least for now). But the best is yet to come, the glorious day when we will be united with our Savior in Heaven. That is the most amazing hope of all.
