Limerence comes with a plethora of challenges, but perhaps the biggest of those challenges are compulsive thoughts and triggers. The situation can make a limerent person feel so desperate that they feel they HAVE to take action. In some cases that action might be something the average person would consider crazy. Usually, the limerent person realizes this but cannot (or can only barely) keep themselves from doing it anyway.
In addition to compulsive thoughts, limerence sufferers are met with many triggers that perpetuate each episode of limerence. The smallest detail carries significance related to one’s limerence object, let alone something more obviously meaningful such as a photograph. These triggers make everyday life extremely difficult because they constantly remind limerent people of what they cannot have.
This article answers questions relating to the battle against compulsive thoughts and triggers of limerence. Prayerfully, those who are struggling with these or similar questions will find powerful, biblical encouragement and practical advice to move forward.
How do I stop thinking about him/her? The triggers for my limerence are everywhere.
Put simply, to think about your limerence object less, you need to start thinking of someone else more. Not just anyone else, because then your limerence may simply transfer to a new person rather than ending altogether. That is what happened to me. I came to a stopping point with one limerence object, then I fell into the same habits with someone new.
However, the end of one limerence episode can be the end of your limerence altogether. Often we cannot keep even our own most resolute plans because of our fleshly limitations. But there is One who has strength enough for each one of us and more. (2 Corinthians 12:9) Look to Jesus, the author and perfecter of your faith and the strength of your heart (Hebrews 12:2, Psalm 73:25-26). Only He is perfect in every way and He is perfecting you every day.
Realistically, it is not possible to escape all forms of triggers because a trigger really could be anything. If you don’t already, you will likely feel bombarded by them at first. But fixing our eyes and our hearts on Jesus will lessen the sting, because His love defends us. (Psalm 28:7) With time He will help us experience joy again, proving no one is more worthy of our love than He is.
Why can’t I help getting jealous of anyone who gets to interact more with him/her than I do?
It is certainly remarkable how possessive those of us who are susceptible to limerence become of our limerence objects. Even from someone else making him or her laugh, we can’t help feeling envious (sometimes jealous) of their other relationships.
I am not an expert on psychology but would suggest the possibility that limerence calls out a need to control. Small things usually are easily controllable, while another person’s feelings and relationships (platonic or not) are not. Limerent people may feel a sense of ownership of their limerence objects. In this case, every pleasant interaction the objects of their affection have with someone other than them is like a knife to their hearts.
We Belong to God
What may help is to remember that no human owns any other. Rather, we all belong to God. He is jealous for us, because He created us and bought us with a price (1 Corinthians 6:20). We were created to adore and worship Him. So when we give our hearts to someone who will not love us in return, it breaks His heart. (2 Peter 3:9)
The reason this breaks God’s heart is twofold. First, He desires a right relationship with us, but we have put someone else before Him. Second, He sees our broken hearts and longs for us to let Him touch them with His healing and restoration. If we do not choose to put Him first, we cannot be fully healed. (Proverbs 3:8)
Strong Roots
But if we do allow Him to be first in our hearts, there is no reason to become envious or jealous. We can be genuinely happy for others who have what we wanted and were not granted. For nothing is better than being in blessed community with our Heavenly Father.
In addition, we will have stronger roots in our faith. (Colossians 2:7) This not only helps us follow Him in the present but also prepares us better for the one God may have for us in the future.
I have done or thought about doing some irrational things. How can I keep myself better under control?
The battle between heart and mind, between feelings and reason, is very difficult. Common sense tells you that you should not act on what you are thinking about doing. Yet your heart tells you that you HAVE to. Otherwise, you would not feel like you have done everything in your power to be with the one you desire.
In such moments, take out your Bible (or open your Bible app) and read Proverbs 3, James 1 or Galatians 5. Our highest authority for decision-making is not our own capacity for reason or even the advice of wise friends. We listen foremostly to truth in God’s Word, and these are some of the things it says.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones.
Proverbs 3:5-8
If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.
James 1:5-8
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.
Galatians 5:22-24
Truthfully, we cannot help ourselves, but God will work powerfully in and through this experience if you let Him. Abide in Jesus (John 15:5) and through progressive sanctification by the Spirit you will gradually be relieved of the constant struggle. The path God is leading you to take will become easier to follow, and you can be praising Him every step of the way.
