This may not be true for everyone who suffers limerence, but I longed for someone to save me from my misery. I felt broken, weak, hurt, ashamed, desperate and slowly but surely losing motivation to go on with life.
When the pop girl group Play released their single “Whole Again”, I hadn’t quite reached the point of day-and-night obsession over any particular guy. But the song was one of their most relatable to my heart. That and “I’m Gonna Make You Love Me” (a cover of the song by The Supremes and The Temptations.)
A year later, I entered limerence, and it’s quite possible that I had the song on repeat even more. I started to hope with all my heart that maybe he could help me feel whole again.
The Hero I Thought I Wanted
I never really thought of myself as a princess or the typical “damsel in distress.” However, I did long for my “prince” to come and sweep me off my feet. He would finally realize I was the one for him too and together we would live happily ever after.
First my would-be prince was my best friend, whom I had loved since Kindergarten. Sweet Home Alabama is my favorite movie because it reminds me of him and the closeness we had. It gave me hope that one day we could be in a romantic relationship and get married even after years of being only friends. But when he told me he was not Christian and that he is gay, I had to move on. I still loved him but knew I could not live my dream with him.
Then when I started high school I had a locker next to the boy who would become my limerence object. It was not my first time meeting him, but his politeness to me in the halls blew me away. He became the one I thought could save me from all the hurt I had felt in the past. My dream seemed attainable if I could only get him to feel the same way about me.
More and more he was the only one who could bring me incomparable joy and make me feel alive. But instead of loving me back and making me the happiest girl in the world, he remained only a friend and classmate. The truth was he was not really the one who could save me.
The Savior We All Need
Those of us who were raised in church or have attended a Bible-believing church for any extended period of time know the gospel well. For the benefit of those who may not be well versed in it or wouldn’t mind a refresher, I will describe it briefly.
God created a perfect world where He and His creatures, including humans, could live together happily and freely. Adam and Eve, influenced but not controlled by the devil, chose to do something God told them not to do. They ate the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil. This was the first sin, which led to countless more sins of theirs and their children’s.
While Adam and Eve were the first to sin, most likely even if they hadn’t, one of their descendants would have. Our hearts are easily turned against God. Romans 3:23 says, “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Unfortunately, sin leads to death, but God had a plan to redeem us and give us eternal life despite our sin. Romans 6:23: “The wages of sin is death, but the free of God is eternal life in Jesus Christ our Lord.”
God loved us so much that He made the ultimate sacrifice. John 3:16 is probably the most famous verse because it sums up the gospel so well. “For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish, but have everlasting life.” Because we sinned, we needed someone to save us, and God gave us the most perfect and truest Savior of all: His Son Jesus.
A Promise Made: I Will Save You
Throughout the Bible, God promises to save His people. From the very first book, Genesis, hints of the gospel of redemption are given in the Old Testament. God speaks to the devil in Genesis 3:15, “I will put enmity between you and the woman, between your seed and her seed. He will crush your head, and you will strike his heel.” This is the first prophecy of the Messiah to come.
Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” This is a verse I first read by itself on the day my daughter was stillborn. However, I needed it more on the day I realized my love for my limerence object would never be returned. I was never more brokenhearted and crushed in spirit than I was after reading that he did not love me. But the Lord was near me indeed, listening to my prayers for strength and direction.
Jesus Himself says in Luke 19:10, “The Son of Man came to seek and save the lost.” He had just declared Zacchaeus and his house to be saved, though Zacchaeus previously cheated people out of their money. Having heard Jesus teach, Zacchaeus was moved to give back fourfold everything he had stolen. Jesus rewarded him with salvation.
The people looked down on Jesus for going into the house of a sinner. Yet sinners are precisely the kinds of people Jesus came to save, people who fall short in any and every way. This includes those who experience limerence, with all its fear, shame and feelings of inadequacy. Jesus came to save us all!
The Promise Kept: Salvation at a Price
The promise of salvation was finally fulfilled in Jesus. When the angel visited Mary, she learned she would give birth to a son conceived by the Holy Spirit. The angel instructed her, “You shall name him Jesus, for He shall save His people from their sins.” (Matthew 1:21)
Praise God, Jesus submitted to His Father’s will despite His fears in the Garden of Gethsemane (Matthew 26:36-56). He knew what was coming and bore the flogging, the ridicule, even death on a cross. If I had known what was coming in my locker the day I received the note, I might have just kept all my schoolbooks with me so I wouldn’t have had to open it. But Jesus walked into the garden knowing exactly what had to happen to Him to save us.
As it was famously said by Walter Hitchcock, “Freedom is not free.” Our freedom and salvation in Christ were “bought with a price” (1 Corinthians 6:20). To Jesus, the price was worth the prize of restored relationship with His people. How absolutely amazing this is!
Suffering Turns to Joy
It is unspeakably difficult to suffer heartbreak after heartbreak when your limerence object just won’t love you back. The toll it takes on one’s life truly makes it so nothing will ever be the same. But the scars we wear on our hearts are reminders of God’s mercy and love. For He did not leave our hearts to be shattered forever. Rather, He has put the pieces back together for us, shaped into lives that are better prepared for what He has planned.
Jesus’ own scars are likewise reminders of the atoning sacrifice He made for us. His love and grace toward us brought Him to death that gave us life. His hands, feet and side have the marks to prove it beyond the shadow of a doubt (John 20:24-29). We know He would never deny us something that would be good for us.
So we may be afraid of what is ahead when we start to let go of our limerence objects, but we can know it is good! Our suffering in unrequited limerence is only temporary, turning to joy as He comforts us and leads us along the way of truth. For unlike the fleeting relief we may feel when we turn to anyone or anything else, His salvation is forever.
