‘Tis the season for new year’s resolutions. Maybe you have already made one or more resolutions for 2023. As limerents, it is absolutely okay if your resolution is simply never to let your heart get broken again. That was one of my greatest hopes in the year 2008, after heart-shattering rejection in the previous two years.
There are many people who don’t even make new year’s resolutions because they know the statistics of failure of such resolutions. I once heard that by January 19, many have already given up and by February, even more. Personally, I err on the side of cautious optimism and go ahead and set goals anyway. I encourage everyone to do the same and make at least one resolution.
Failure Does Not Define Us
At the start, I want to stress one extremely important point to remember. Failure does not define who we are. At times it will feel like nothing is going right or nothing we do will ever be enough. If this describes your life right now, I am so sorry you are going through this. Not meeting your goals does not mean you are inadequate or unlovable. To the contrary, it reminds us of our need for Jesus, who loves us despite our inadequacy and inability to stick to our own resolutions.
Again, failure does not define us. It is merely something that happens, not a description of our character. When we do fail, we can embrace our identity as flawed human beings who are redeemed by the blood of Jesus. Graciously, He grants us successes every day, whether we realize it or not.
Every moment you are not thinking of the person for whom you long but cannot have, that is a win. If you are thinking of that person, but merely as an ordinary human being rather than putting them on a pedestal, that is a win too. Every time you find yourself laughing or smiling and it is unrelated to him or her, that is another win. Recognize these successes and allow Jesus to continue to sanctify you for even greater success.
Steps to Form Your Resolutions
If you have not yet settled on specific new year’s resolutions, here are some guidelines to help in the process.
1. Ask God what He wants to change in your life
God always wants to continue to shape you into the new creation He made you to be. Think about your current circumstances and how He might use them to deepen your relationship with Him.
If your heart has recently been broken, He wants to heal you. (Psalm 34:18)
If you find it impossible to get over your limerence object, He wants to be everything to you. (2 Corinthians 10:5)
If you are stuck in the vicious and chaotic cycle of addiction, He wants to help you break free and find His peace. (James 4:7-8)
If you are further along in your recovery from limerence, praise God and listen for His leading in what He wants to do next in your life. (Psalm 126:3, Proverbs 3:5-6) Maybe you would even be willing to share your story with others who are suffering in similar ways now as you have in the past. They would surely benefit from your encouragement and sense of hope.
2. Choose a focus verse or one word
It is easy to feel overwhelmed by the long list of things we can/should do to be “better” in the new year. If this resonates with you, it may be helpful to choose a single Bible verse as your inspiration, motivation or overarching theme for the year. Any of the references above would be great, or you can choose your own. My focus verse for 2023 is 1 Corinthians 9:22.
Alternatively, you can choose a single word that best embodies your goals for the year. For example, my “one word” for 2023 is BECOME. In chapter 9 of Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians, he talks about ways he has adjusted his appearance or approach to establish rapport and trust with those with whom he shares the gospel. “I have become all things to all people, that by all means I might save some,” he says in verse 22. My goal for the year is to become more comfortable in situations where I am interacting with non-believers. This way I can build relationships with them and more confidently share the good news with them.
What is your top priority in relation to overcoming limerence or growing closer to Jesus? Once you have answered this question, your one word will likely become apparent.
3. Remember you only need to follow Jesus one step at a time
The road to recovery from limerence or to achievement of other challenging goals is long. Focus on one step, one little piece at a time. The journey will not feel so overwhelming, and you can be encouraged that every step brings you closer to your goal. Jesus will carry you through the toughest moments and gently spur you onward if you start to lose momentum.
4. Realize God’s plans may change yours
Keep in mind the wisdom given in Proverbs 16:9, “The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” In other words, we are free to make plans and we should do so to go about our lives in a more organized, consistent manner. However, God is in control of the details. He may choose to redirect us at any time, and it is okay to adjust our goals and resolutions accordingly.
Whatever you do…
As Paul instructed in Colossians 3:23-24, “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.”
Strive diligently to keep the resolutions you set. Do not be discouraged when you make mistakes or if you do not succeed.
Celebrate any progress, any steps forward, especially steps taken toward freedom from the chains of limerent addiction.
And be sure to acknowledge God’s work in your life as you go. For true freedom and transformation for the better are found only in Him.
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