Well, my friends, we have reached the final week of Advent. If you missed any of the previous weeks’ Advent posts, I encourage you to read those as well. The hope in week 1, love in week 2 and joy in week 3 have been a blessing to my heart.
Limerence: A Peaceless State of Mind
The theme for Week 4 is Peace! Anyone who has experienced limerence knows that the word peace would not be used to describe it. We’ve talked previously about the uncertainty that drives the persistence in our pursuit of reciprocation. It’s an emotional roller coaster with more than its fair share of highs and lows.
Often, we lose sleep or have trouble focusing on the tasks at hand because of intrusive thoughts. More than 90% of the time we are thinking only of our limerence objects. What happened during our last interactions with them, how to win their affection, how amazing they are. The list goes on.
The obsession touches every aspect of our lives. We know that it is not good to be in such a distressed state of mind all the time. Yet we find it impossible to overcome it.
The World’s Version of Peace
Breaking contact with them is frequently prescribed as a first step toward freedom. This helps to a limited extent, but in my experience, by itself it does not really diminish the pull. Memories of times I was near my limerence object would keep it fresh and restart the cycle.
Unfortunately, a void is left when we give up a life-dominating addiction. To be truly free, there needs to be a replacement for the obsession. One that is healthy, offers stability and still brings the level of passion that can be reached in limerence.
Nothing in this world is a suitable replacement. Some of us may be able to distance ourselves physically from our limerence objects and/or distract our minds with hobbies. But such redirection of our minds doesn’t meet the needs of our hearts. If we rely on distraction alone, history will likely repeat itself in a moment of weakness. We will not ultimately enjoy peace.
Obsess about Jesus
Thankfully, God has an answer for this. Isaiah 26:3 declares, “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you.” To overcome the fixation with our limerence objects, we have to take our minds off them and obsess about Jesus instead.
This is easier said than done, I know, but the better we get to know Jesus, the less attraction we feel toward anything or anyone that takes away from our relationship with Him.
I’m reminded of the song, “Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus”. The lyrics invite us to “look full in His wonderful face, and the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace.” For me, the simple beauty of the song alone begins to quiet the noise of the world.
It may sound strange, but Jesus is worthy of our obsession. A close look at the amazing things He has done reveals how much greater He is than anyone else. He created the entire universe and gave life to humans and animals with a word. The power He has to transform people’s lives for the better cannot be measured.
Peace I Leave with You
Jesus offers that same transforming power to us in limerence. In answer to the fear, anxiety and uncertainty that weighs us down, He extends to us an offer we can’t refuse. “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.” (John 14:27)
Part of our problem in limerence is that we are so fixated on a single piece of God’s creation that we miss how amazing the Creator is. Sometimes we forget that He knows everything and feel like we need to take matters into our own hands. He waits patiently for us to realize that letting Him work out His way, not our own way, is peace.
Lord Over All
The passage in Isaiah 26 goes on to say in verse 12, “O Lord, you will ordain peace for us, for you have indeed done for us all our works.” Anything we do, any success or victory we achieve, was because God allowed it and empowered us to do it. Most importantly, He did the work we could not do to save us and reconcile us to Himself.
Then in verse 13, “O Lord our God, other lords besides you have ruled over us, but your name alone we bring to remembrance.” Those currently suffering from limerence can be encouraged by this verse, looking forward to when God will give them victory over it. “Other lords”, such as our limerence objects, have ruled over us in the past. Going forward, Jesus’ name alone we keep in mind, because He is the Lord over all.
Friend or celebrity, coworker or stranger, love interest or limerence object – none stands up to the majesty and glory of Jesus. Behold His beauty and perfection, trust in Him wholeheartedly, follow Him closely, and He will give you peace.
Prayer of Peace
Dear Jesus, you are the Prince of Peace and the Lord over all. As we continue to celebrate Your coming this Christmas and prepare for the new year ahead of us, help us find rest in You. In this dark and chaotic world, You are our light and our anchor. Let Your peace reign in our hearts, for we trust in You alone. In Your precious, peace-providing name, amen.
I hope that you have found treasures of God’s hope, love, joy, peace, and more in this blog series. Please reach out if there is any way we can be praying for you. Happy holidays to you all!
