2022 Advent Week 3 – Joy

Joy is one of the virtues I have sought most to embody. Throughout my life I have tried to look at the positive side of things. This is mostly because I know “all things work together for good,” but partially because grumbling and complaining never make the situation any better. It is important to try to find joy in the little things as well as the big things.

For those who have experienced limerence, you know it is all too easy to find joy and significance in those little things. The most ordinary interaction fuels your hope and excitement like nothing else. One example might be a simple greeting, or a compliment given to you in passing by your limerence object.

If something as small as that piques your emotions, one can imagine how happy you would be about something more significant. This might be taking the next step in a friendship by going on a date, and then a really big thing would be the first kiss. Of course, not all of us get to that point with the objects of our affection; these are just some examples.

Elation in Reciprocation

In February 2006, for Valentine’s Day, I sent my limerence object a candygram through the office at my school. The school offered the candygram service to junior high and high school students as tokens of friendship and love, and I took the opportunity to send one.

After school on the day he received it, he came up to me to thank me. It’s very likely that I went into a daze or simply stared at him listening to him talk, because I don’t even clearly remember saying “you’re welcome.” But I came out of that conversation with the impression that he told me he loved me, and I was elated beyond words.

In song I described it as “the happiest day of my life, my smiles like sun rays”. I could not stop beaming and I cried tears of joy thanking God from the bottom of my heart.

Joylessness in Rejection

After a few months had passed, I began to question why there had been no progress in our relationship. “Had he really told me he loved me?” I wondered. To be certain, I wrote a note to him asking very clearly to let me know either way.

It was the first time he wrote a note back to me. Let me tell you, I had high hopes for that little piece of paper in my locker. I opened it excitedly, and by the second sentence, its words had plucked me unceremoniously off my dream cloud. All at once, I was thrown into the deepest, darkest despair I had ever known.

“It’s unfortunate you think I said I love you, because all I said was thank you,” I read. Before then I had had “bad” days, but that by far was the most difficult day of my life. My joy was gone.

When I finally got home from school that day, I collapsed to the floor in my room and wept. The joy I felt from believing my limerence object told me he loved me, I realized, was based on a lie. Although he had only said thank you, somehow, I must have hallucinated him saying “I love you.” It left me broken and heavyhearted. My motivation to continue with routine activities such as schoolwork, soccer games and the job I had as a cashier dwindled.

Ask and You Will Receive…

God kept me close to Him, reminding me of the passage about joy in the Gospel of John chapter 16. He assured me He had more to do in my life and that one day He not only could but would restore my joy if I let Him. I didn’t know how or when that would happen, but I trusted His promise.

Joy and feeling complete were of utmost importance in that time of my life, so John 16:24 became one of my favorite verses. “Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be complete.” I didn’t even remember the rest of the passage, which is also encouraging, especially verses 20 and 22. “Your sorrow will turn into joy” and “No one will take your joy from you.” This context to verse 24 would have ministered to my heart deeply.

Another verse I find comforting is Nehemiah 8:10, “The joy of the Lord is your strength.” While my joy was gone, piece by piece, God put my heart and my life back together. He restored my joy, not only in hope of marrying someone I loved with all my heart, but more importantly in learning to follow Him more closely.

That Your Joy May Be Complete

Eventually, I “asked and received” when I prayed for God to help me let Him be everything to me. I had seen how much God meant to my friends and teachers at school and at church, and I wanted to love Him that way too.

My joy was very much incomplete in the absence of requited love. I had tried multiple times to “surrender my life to Jesus”, all the while keeping true love on the figurative throne of my heart. When I finally asked for Him to be my everything, He steadily began to grant that request.

Today, I am delighted to say wholeheartedly that He is enough for me. No one is more worthy of my adoration and devotion than He is. My life is full of joy that can never be taken away, because it is from Him alone.

It takes a lot of time to heal and for joy to be restored. Life is never the same after grief hits like that. But if you let the joy of the Lord be your strength, if you allow Him to rebuild your heart into something even more beautiful than before, you will ask and receive. Your joy will be complete, and He will use you and your story for so much good.

Prayer of Joy

Dear Lord, thank you for the joy of your salvation. No feeling we can experience on this earth in love or in limerence can compare to the joy of being made complete in you. Help us ask in Your name for what we need and what we desire, that we may receive the blessings you want to give us, joy graciously included. In your wonderful, joy-giving name we pray, amen.