When was the last time you looked forward to something? Maybe it was a big celebration event, like a graduation or a birthday party. It could even have been for a friend’s wedding, although for limerents, weddings can understandably be a bit of a sore subject.
Perhaps it was something smaller, like a delicious meal or the next episode(s) of your favorite TV show. Whatever it was, you were looking forward to it because it brings you excitement or happiness in some way, right?
Note: As an aside, this post is a team effort between myself and a friend of mine whom I will call Brynne. To distinguish our words from each other’s, Brynne’s insights are italicized.
Rumination/Fixation
Every day for the larger part of my high school years, I looked forward to seeing the one I called My Sweet Beloved (MSB). My thoughts revolved around him continually. By day, for example, I once wrote about my feelings for him in English class study hall instead of writing an essay. In the evenings at home, I wrote songs about him and made plans to win his affection. When I remembered my night dreams, they always featured him telling me he loved me. It was hard waking up from those dreams.
His presence in my classes those four years both made my days and dashed my hopes depending on what I imagined he thought about me. Despite rejection, I held on to memories of him talking to me, being polite and friendly to me. When he spoke to me, it felt like he really cared about me. It fueled my hope that he could someday see me as more than a classmate.
My songwriting likely magnified the strength of the pull I felt toward him as I ruminated on my memories. Music frequently has that kind of effect. I do not regret writing the songs whatsoever, because I needed the release for my emotions. However, my songs formed a sort of musical diary that reminded me of how much he meant to me. Probably, they made it that much harder to let him go even when he was in fewer of my classes. I still looked forward to seeing him in the hall and at special school events, with more than sisterly love.
Keep Your Eyes (and Ears) on Jesus
In the height of my limerence, I should have been more intentional about listening to Christian music. At church on Sundays, I learned worship songs I loved, but truthfully the ones I loved most were those I could sing about MSB. “Just to be with you I would do anything,” one such song proclaimed.
But the song is about Jesus giving everything, even His very life, out of His great love for us. If I had purposefully listened to Christian music every day to reinforce the truths I already knew from school, in all likelihood it would have been easier to let MSB go.
Hebrews 12:2 exhorts us, “Looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” Keeping my eyes (and my ears) on Jesus would have enabled me to meditate on His goodness rather than on memories of MSB.
Maybe I wouldn’t have placed so much emphasis on getting to “someday” with someone else who loved me back, because someone far better already loved me. His joy was to be reconciled to me, and my joy will increase until it is complete when He returns at last!
Surely, I will never forget MSB and you will never forget your limerence object. But Philippians 3:13-14 says, “One thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” Jesus is our prize! He is the one whose presence we most look forward to enjoying someday.
Hope and a Future
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11, NIV
These words were written to God’s people when they were in exile and in the midst of pain. Like them, God has given you and I hope and a future even when our circumstances aren’t what we had hoped or desired.
What may be part of the hope and future God wants for us? Following are some examples of the good things to which we can look forward when we trust in His plan.
A Closer Relationship with God
I find that when I need God to help me with something I can’t do on my own, I seek God more. I pray more, both on my own and with others. I read the Bible more. God wants us to be close to Him, and if we genuinely seek Him, He will always honor that. James 4:8 says, “Come near to God and He will come near to you.”
A Healthier Mind and Body
“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.” – Philippians 4:8, NIV
Lately, I have been trying to eat healthier foods. In order to do so, I can’t simply stop eating donuts or cake. The unhealthy foods need to be replaced with healthy options. The same is true for our thoughts. Instead of thinking things like, “[Insert the subject of your limerence here] will never want me because I am ugly,” think, “I am beautiful because God made me.” (It is true. You and I are beautiful. Read Psalm 139!)
Joy and Gratitude
“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” – 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
God wants us to find joy in life. Even when we are dealing with struggles, there is always something for which to be thankful and enjoy. For a while, I kept a gratitude journal in which I wrote the blessings I noticed every day. I found this helped me have a more thankful mindset, which made me happier. (Maybe I should do this again!)
New Activities and Opportunities
“See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” – Isaiah 43:19, NIV
Other than the subject of your limerence, what lights you up? Maybe sports, music, reading, writing, art? Ask God to show you if nothing immediately comes to mind. Perhaps He will even help you expand your life with something new in which you will find joy. Always remember to look forward to the goodness He has planned for you, in this life and in eternity. The best is still yet to come.
