Colors of Love: Gray in Rejection

Gray is not a color which most of us normally associate with happy things. We think of gray skies, which lead to rain if they are filled with rain clouds. In locations prone to wildfires, the air is seasonally made a hazy gray with the accumulation of smoke and ash.

Then there are gray areas, topics subject to much debate and even ethical uncertainty. If you are like me, you tend to shy away from getting involved in these discussions.

In this post we emphasize the metaphorical gray skies of rejection. This is often the source of greatest suffering in a limerent person’s heart. But just like literal gray skies lead to clear, sunny days, we can hold on to hope that happier days will come.

S/he Doesn’t Love Me…

What follows is a scenario that is all too common for those suffering from limerence. Your worst fear has come true: you realize he or she doesn’t love you after all. It drags you down like a millstone pulling you to the ground from the top of a 10-story building. What can you do except fall to your untimely demise?

Praise God this is only metaphorical, but it feels that dramatic in the moment. The low is so extreme, sometimes it leads to severe depression to the point of suicidal thoughts. Rejection by your limerence object takes away your joy, your sense of humor, maybe even your will to live. The world has just crashed around you and there appears to be no hope of restoration.

These are the gray skies experienced every day by rejected limerents. Clouds surround them and hide the light so its source (the sun) cannot be easily seen. We as believers may fail to see how the source of the light in our lives (the Son of God) is at work. But the light is always there with us (Hebrews 13:5).

As we wait for the days to shine brightly again, what we can do is choose to trust. No matter how bleak it may seem, we trust that He will blow away those clouds. He will clear those gray skies, so we can see clearly and rejoice with fullness of heart once again (John 16:22).

Gray Areas

Aside from the gray skies in rejection, limerence also frequently brings us to the edge of gray areas. We are willing to push limits and rearrange our lives in any way possible to keep our limerence alive. Some actions we consider taking to give ourselves an opportunity to do so may be questionable.

Even so, we find a way to justify those actions to ourselves and others. That is if others find out about those things. Frequently, we may try to keep them to ourselves out of embarrassment, guilt, or shame.

Rather than feeling guilty for pining after someone we know we need to let go, let us boldly approach the throne of grace (Hebrews 4:16). The world will not understand this as they would understand the need to let go of our limerence (1 Corinthians 1:18). But He is our light and our salvation (Psalm 27:1) so we must draw near to Him intentionally (James 4:8).

Also, “if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.” (1 John 1:7) His light reveals everything that causes guilt and shame in our lives, including holding on to false hope in limerence. But at the same time, He has covered all of our failings with His perfect, precious blood. (Romans 6:23)

After the Gray Sky

Let us return now to the gray sky analogy. Take heart in the implication of the title of this section: gray skies always eventually go away! Rejection may have burdened your heart and robbed your joy like it did mine many years ago. Nonetheless, we have reason to live joyfully. God is in control of your life in the gray seasons as much as He is in the bright and cheerful moments.

If His sovereignty makes you question why He allows such great suffering, take some time to study His character. Isaiah 55 and Job 42 speak of how God existed before creation. These powerful passages declare that His ways are so high we cannot understand them.

God created the literal skies, and He has the power to change their color at any time. Gray, red, orange, white, black, blue, and the rainbow He graciously created in His promise to Noah. How much more can He change the “color” in our lives!

Yes, God is sovereign, but He is also very good! In His goodness He will not keep us in the battering storm or under gray skies forever. We will see beautiful, blue, sunny skies again, and He may even choose to bless us with a rainbow.

This post is part of the 2023 Colors of Love series. Other posts in the series cover orange, red, white, black, purple, green, blue and yellow.