2022 Advent Week 1 – Living Hope

Today we are about halfway into the season of Advent. If you are not familiar with Advent, it’s a time of celebration of when our Lord Jesus was born. This event is known as the First Coming of Christ. It’s also a time to prepare for the Second Coming of Christ, when He will return to gather those who trust in Him into Heaven.

Advent is commemorated for four weeks every year, leading up to Christmas Day. This year the first week of Advent started on November 27. The themes of each week in order are Hope, Love, Joy and Peace. For Week 1 our theme is Hope!

Grief of Rejection

I experienced love at first sight with my best friend at 6 years old. Though my love for him lasted many years, he never felt the same way about me. When we were both 13, he gave me two important pieces of news: 1) he was not Christian and 2) he was gay. With this news I was forced to move on, but the minor crushes I had after that paled in comparison to how I felt about him.

At the start of my freshman year of high school, the boy who became my limerence object caught my attention as a worthy replacement for my friend. It was really an ordinary encounter when I look back on it, but in the moment, it was like the heavens opened on him as the one who could make my dreams come true.

Ultimately, he didn’t feel the same way about me either, and I felt the weight of rejection to the core of my shattered heart. I grieved deeply as if someone close to me had died, because a part of me had died. I was reeling from the loss of hope of ever having the one thing I wanted most: his love in return.

Hopelessness in Unrequited Limerence

Unrequited limerence does seem like a hopeless situation indeed. Personally, my motivation for living had been taken away. The battle was long against despair and depression and it was one I had to fight daily.

An image comes to mind of being stuck in a deep pit of misery. There was nothing I could do to make him love me and I couldn’t bear it. Honestly, it was only strength from God and knowing He had more for my life that kept me going.

Even as I relied on Jesus for strength every day, I coped with my grief in a maladaptive way. Rather than facing the reality of the situation, I handled it more by pretending I could be in a relationship with my limerence object someday – fantasizing and acting like the hope I still had was justified.

But it was a false, dead hope, and it prolonged my state of depression and despair. At the same time it numbed my heart with a figurative fortress that was not really broken down before the last few years. This is not the kind of life Jesus wanted for me or for any one of us.

Hopeless Situation of Our Sin Nature

The hopelessness I felt from rejection in limerence is analogous to the even more hopeless situation of our sinful nature. While I felt like I was in a pit of misery, there was still a way out. I had reached the bottom and slowly, step by step, I was able to climb out of it.

Our sinful nature is more like falling in a bottomless abyss, always descending deeper and deeper into it with no way out. There is nothing we can do to save ourselves. If we tried we would find ourselves in even greater darkness.

Living Hope in Jesus

By coming to earth in human form and living the perfect life we could not live, Jesus made a way out! The free gift of salvation He offers us gives us true, living hope. Hebrews 6:19 encourages us, “We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.”

I don’t know for sure whether or not I had learned this verse before those most hopeless days of my life. But I do know it didn’t come to mind when I was writing songs about how hopeless I felt. If I had come across it, undoubtedly it would have challenged the lyrics coming from my heart. Hopefully, I would have more fully acknowledged Jesus as the anchor for my grief-battered soul.

It’s mind-blowing to me because in my younger years, the best thing I could imagine for my life was being married to the love of my life. The hope Jesus gives is so much greater than the hope of being with our limerence objects. It is a hope that has the power to save, to give us eternal life and to remind us that the treasures awaiting us in Heaven are well worth all the struggles and hardships we face here on earth.

Prayer of Hope

Dear Lord Jesus, thank you for coming to save us from the truly hopeless situation of spiritual deadness and replacing it with your living, everlasting hope. We are forever in your debt, forever thankful, and we ask for your help to continue to cling to hope in you. Not hope in anyone or anything in this world or the way we want things to be, but in you and your plans – which are only for our good. Let your grace be enough for us always. We love you and pray these things in your holy, hope-giving name, amen.